A LETTER writer in this newspaper yesterday suggested that harnessing all the hot air produced by politicians could solve our energy problems. Funnily enough, a similar notion had already been warming up in my mind.

So please let me introduce to you the new hot-air radiators as supplied by Parliamentary Hot-Pots.

Top of the range is the David Cameron model, which delivers a proper blast of hot air and yet does not raise the temperature of the room you are in at all, due to its special sleight of hand switch.

The Cameron is designed to kick up a proper hot fuss whenever there are visitors, but as soon as your back is turned it will switch right off.

As an introductory offer, you can buy this radiator with a matching mini Nick Clegg heater (small-print warning: this device may not actually make any difference at all and does at times emit an annoying whining sound).

For those with a large room to heat, may we recommend the Eric Pickles? This over-sized conveyor of hot air should warm any available space, although some customers may suffer a Dickensian chill whenever the Pickles is turned on. The reasons for this are not known, but could be connected to this heater’s ability to consume everything within sight (warning: do not let your children get too close to the Pickles).

And lastly from this side of the Parliamentary showroom we have something for those of you who like the designer look. The Theresa May comes in a nice leopard-skin finish and can get extremely warm in an instant, especially when there are people called Kenneth in the vicinity.

The other side of the showroom is looking a little empty at the moment, but those with an odd-shaped room may wish to invest in the Ed Miliband heater (Which? report warning: this new model doesn’t produce enough heat, although it does occasionally give off an effective hiss). This can be bought with a companion David Miliband blower, but the two are best kept at opposite ends of the room.

From our vintage display, may we recommend the Lord Prescott Heat Exchange, which can blow up a hot gale in the blink of a pie/sorry, eye; please note that the instructions are strangely garbled.

Also in this section is the once-popular Blair model (best suited to costly locations abroad) and the Brown model (Which? warning: this one is very temperamental)… I found my own temperature rising when Chris Huhne was on the radio the other morning. The Energy Secretary was going on about how we should all be prepared to change our energy suppliers more often.

Mr Huhne appeared to be suggesting that high energy prices were our fault because we didn’t change suppliers often enough. How infuriating is that? If you ask me, and even if you don’t, the energy market is a puzzle and a perfect example of how free-market competition enriches large companies while leaving the consumer puzzled; or possibly even puzzled and cold.

The Prime Minister later backed up his energy secretary with some lukewarm waffle about how energy suppliers had been persuaded to write to eight million customers telling them how to switch companies.

But what if you don’t wish to change; what if you went through all that before and found that, ultimately, it didn’t make a shivering iota of difference; and what if you can’t help but suspect that this whole business of choice isn’t just another one of those modern cons?

Sorry, my heat switch appears to have developed a fault.

Our energy comes from British Gas, including the electricity, something I have never quite understood, but confusion does come easily to me. For instance, if you switch energy, doesn’t the same gas hiss out of the fire and the same electricity illuminate the light bulbs?

Because energy is invisible, changing brands/suppliers takes place without the customer seeing any difference – apart, perhaps, from a slightly lower bill which, as sure as flames come from a struck match, will only go up again very soon.

Suggesting otherwise is all hot air, isn’t it?