READING about the latest ructions surrounding Menwith Hill – the American listening post apparently set to house equipment capable of doing everything from thwarting enemy missiles to ensuring Sky Sports doesn’t pack in during heavy showers – left me with one nagging question.

It’s not about what happens there, why the UK Government seemingly doesn’t even know what happens there or whose idea it was to make the place look like a row of massive golf balls. What gets me is: how did one of the most secretive military installations on the planet end up near Harrogate?

I’m in a bit in the dark about what goes on in the corridors of US power, although that’s never stopped Sarah Palin and Dan Quayle, but I’m guessing the conversation among the nation’s strategic top brass about where to plonk ‘Son of Star Wars’ went something like: “Right, Menwith Hill. It’s near the A59 so you can use that as a back route to Blackpool, and Bettys is great if you time it right and miss the queues.”

“Cool. They film Emmerdale around there as well, yeah?”

“Last I checked. I stopped watching when Seth died. And that plane crash storyline they did once was ridiculous.”

Anyway, while it’s unlikely ‘being handy for Brimham Rocks’ features high on the criteria for missile-defence locations, maybe it just reflects how keen America is on North Yorkshire. But the Menwith Hill disquiet means it could be time for the other three-quarters of the Special Relationship to show it’s not just there for the militarized things in life.

And I don’t see why Harrogate should get all the demonstrations, so possible US-North Yorkshire link-ups could include: •Bring Coachella, Lollapalooza and America’s other top music festivals to the Knavesmire. The Pope got a quarter of a million people there in 1982, and he didn’t have support acts. Get U2 booked and watch all the protesters unhappy about their tax status provide York’s hospitality trade and night-time economy with a welcome boost.

•Play the Superbowl at the community stadium. If we’re serious about it being a true sporting hub, we need to start diversifying. An NFL spokesman said: “Give us a shout when the JCBs show up.”

•Make Fishergate and Fulford Road the UK franchise for the Las Vegas Strip. Its existing bingo hall is just the tip of the iceberg, gambling-wise. The police station and army barracks are nearby in case punters get tetchy, and as for ‘cruising the Strip’, all the 20mph zones and complicated cycle-lane arrangements mean you haven’t much choice. Casino bosses might worry about bat surveys putting a spanner in the works, though.

•Hold Mardi Gras on the outer ring road. New Orleans is full of old buildings so it could probably use a break, and income from advertising, sponsorship and renting out clown suits and dragon costumes would put a sizeable dent in the 17 gazillion quid needed to make the route dual-carriageway.

•Bring Disney to Flamingo Land. Magnificent setting, solid reputation, plenty of rides already and they’ve got a new baby giraffe. Disneyland Kirby Misperton has a certain ring to it.

OK, some of this might sound far-fetched, but North Yorkshire has to fight for every scrap of investment and global exposure in this harsh economic climate. And if all else fails, we can always see if Harvard or Yale Universities want to build an expansion on one of York’s car parks.

ON a similar theme, one objection raised over plans for a wind farm near Copmanthorpe was that there wasn’t enough wind there. In that case, why don’t those involved with the scheme put a turbine or two outside York Minster’s west entrance? That’s one of the windiest spots in York. It’s virtually impossible to keep a brolly up at times. Fair enough, residents, councillors, tourism bodies, the clergy and York Civic Trust might have something to say about that, but these ideas aren’t going to suggest themselves.