Wrapping: Blarney-kissed boyo clad in festive red scarf outside a wreath-bedecked door amid falling flakes of snow. Inside, he’s indoors sporting best M&S jumper, beside a roaring fire. Personalised message also included, plus form to join the DO’D fan club.

Content: 15 carols, some unfamiliar, all unremittingly dull.

Style: Simple, soulless, simpering.

’Tis the reason to be jolly: The end. Hallelujah.

Scrooge moan: After shifting three million albums this millennium, why more?

White Christmas: Not included, for which small mercy we should be thankful.

Blue Christmas? Almost makes Con-Lib austerity package seem attractive.

Stocking or shocking? Makes a strong case for stockings to be sewn up. But no doubt the balladeer brogue will get those grannies, so beloved of Slade at this time of the year, rocking in their slippers.