The Diary is not usually into lavatory humour, but we are positively wetting ourselves at the latest wheeze (or should it be 'wees'?) from Yorkshire Water.

The company's think-tank has come up with a remarkable device called a Pee-o-meter, apparently designed to help you gauge your state of health and hydration by the colour of your urine.

It's a sort of colour swatch with varying shades of yellow to compare with your urine: the darker the shade of yellow, the more you need to rehydrate (drink more water).

Pale yellow means a clean bill of health, down through sluggish, weakness, dizziness, irritability and, if it is really dark, headaches.

The instructions say: "You should drink eight glasses of water a day to stay healthy and hydrated. One of the simplest methods of checking whether you are hydrated is by doing the tinkle test. You can use this pee-o-meter to see which colour most closely resembles the colour of your wee. The clearer, the better."

Oddly enough, there's a five-inch ruler on the reverse of the cigar-shaped pee-o-meter with the question: "How do you measure up?" What on earth do they mean?

Pee-o-meters will be available soon on the Yorkshire Water website - yorkshirewater.com - so you can see how you measure up.

Come on chaps, are you going to take this standing up?

MANKIND has yet to fully realise Artificial Intelligence, but there seems little doubt that machines are getting smarter.

Take the humble coffee machine in the Guildhall's Committee Room Two at City of York Council.

Dispensing Kenco is little more than sport to this clever piece of kit, which felt obliged to pay its own tribute during Her Majesty's 80th birthday celebrations last Friday.

As the 21-gun salute rang out in Museum Gardens at noon, Short Circuit III piped up with a long, persistent, patriotic gurgle, much to the general amusement of councillors and members of the public attending a hearing of the council's licensing committee.

SENIOR York councillor Quintin MacDonald - sorry, Quentin MacDonald - is known to be keen to ensure his name is spelled correctly. At least one journalist has felt a touch of his wrath after getting it wrong in a story.

But do the same rules apply to his colleagues on City of York Council's executive? We only ask because a recent email from council leader Steve Galloway referred to a certain "Cllr McDonald".

Bet he felt a right silly burgher.

Updated: 10:03 Monday, April 24, 2006