OU est Pierre? That is the question which haunts York artist Milladdio, also known as Andy Hinkles. Apparently Pierre is the name of the only remaining Museum Gardens peacock, and he has gone missing.

The last recorded sighting of him was when "people from the council at St Leonard's Place were seen sitting on the wall of King's Manor, feeding him Cheerios".

Many were concerned about the recent low profile of Milladdio, normally one of the more ebullient characters on our city's streets. Now the truth can be told: he was pursuing the perishing peacock.

"I have spent a month living the life of a squirrel in Museum Gardens," he revealed. "It was driving me nuts."

During this tree-top vigil, he saw nothing of Pierre. "I have even thought of asking some sort of yeti hunter to track him down, but there are no footprints, no feathers, nothing."

MILLADDIO has a raft of theories about the mystery, several involving fowl play. He mutters darkly about kidnapping, and also wonders whether the owner of Museum Gardens, the York Museums Trust, has sold Pierre, perhaps to fund a new acquisition for the art gallery.

Then there are the two words which don't bear thinking about. Bird flu.

Whatever the reason, the vanishing act constitutes a crisis.

"I am concerned because it's like the ravens at the Tower of London - the Yorkshire Museum could collapse in the absence of the peacocks."

Milladdio is the leader of the York Integrity Party, which began life as the New Loonies at the last General Election. And in this role he is demanding a public inquiry.

WHERE is the cock of the north? If you have a recent sighting of Pierre, or have a theory of your own on his disappearance, please let us know. As a matter of the gravest urgency.

NOW we know what Selby folk get up to on cold winter nights. They set up websites taking the mickey out of their home town.

After the Diary mentioned two of them on Monday, Richard Lowe, of Murray Street, Holgate, York, got in touch to point out a third,

chavtown.co.uk.

The Chav Guide To Selby could not be more welcoming. "When you come out of prison, why not settle in Selby?" it begins.

And it continues in similar informative vein. Here's one entry:

"Narcotics - A chav needs his gear, yeah. Selby boasts a number of well established, reliable drug hypermarkets.

"From weed to skunk, phet to pills, and smack to crack, you can buy it all. Some dealers offer great part-exchange offers for recently-acquired goods."

And the guide concludes: "I am sure you will agree that Selby is indeed a real centre of chav culture. An approximate estimate would be around 60 per cent of young people are chavs, with a large population of first generation chavs and even older converts.

"A true chav will never feel alone in Selby."

Says Mr Lowe: "The proliferation of Selby websites that tend to slag off their own town in this way is remarkable, but I think someone out there could maybe come up with a similar 'alternative' tourism website for York."

Talk about laying down a challenge...

Updated: 08:51 Wednesday, March 01, 2006