When life is full of care

YOU can tell Brian and Gina Duckels have been married a long time. There is that almost instinctive understanding of what the other is doing, and the slightly exasperated way of talking to each other that comes from long companionship.

Brian is on his hands and knees looking through an old box of photos for one showing Gina when she was a young girl training as a ballet dancer.

Gina, who is disabled, is struggling to see what he is doing. "You're on my wrong side!" she complains. "And you're looking in the wrong box. You've got to bring Anne's wedding box down."

"You didn't tell me that, did you?" grumbles Brian, disappearing upstairs in search of the right box of photos.

"He's a wonderful man," Gina says once he has gone. "Sometimes he will be deep in thought and there are tears there in his eyes that maybe other people wouldn't see. But I see. He's just brilliant."

Gina and Brian, from Flaxley Road in Selby, have been married for 45 years. Their marriage has survived more strains than most - because for much of that time, Gina has been severely disabled.

Gina, who was brought up in Tadcaster, was born with a disc missing from the top of her spine. That did not stop her, as a young girl, from training as a ballet dancer. Her face still lights up at the memory. She believes now that the training may have put extra strain on her back.

"I have a badly worn spine," she says. "It could have been from the wear and tear of all the ballet exercises."

Gina met Brian when she was 16. They were engaged when she was 18, married when she was 20. "I fell in love with him when I first met him," she says. "I never had another boyfriend. We just seemed to bond right from the start."

At 24, Gina gave birth to their daughter, Anne. It was a difficult birth, complicated by Gina's curved spine. She had to have a caesarean section - and was told the couple wouldn't be able to have another child.

That was 41 years ago. Gina, now 65, hasn't worked since and her condition has grown gradually worse. Today, she can barely walk.

She suffers from frequent blackouts, especially if she inadvertently turns her head too far to the right. They are caused, she and Brian believe, by the missing disc in her neck. When she turns her head to the right, a nerve gets pinched. The blackouts last only for 30 seconds or so but leave her groggy all day. She also has a collapsed lung, another legacy of her damaged spine, and suffers from osteoarthritis.

For the past 21 years, since he lost his job at Bass in Tadcaster in 1984, looking after Gina has been Brian's full-time 'job': except that he does not get paid for it.

Now 67, he does everything around the house: cooking, cleaning, washing, even helping Gina get dressed in the morning. Brian is constantly with her, looking after her and making sure she is all right. She sometimes feels guilty.

"I do find it difficult when I see him doing all the things I should be doing," she says. "But I would have done exactly the same for Brian."

Anyone tempted to think this is a sad story of dependence would be wrong. The Duckels lead a full life. They are involved with Selby Abbey, socialise as much as they can, and enjoy each other's company. Brian likes watching sport on TV, Gina loves listening to music.

Brian is chairman of the York Vale branch of charity Carers UK, which provides support and information for other people in the same situation as himself.

There are six million carers in the UK - selfless husbands, wives, sons and daughters who look after family members who, without their support, would have to be in hospital or permanent care. They save the economy an estimated £57bn a year.

Among their ranks are some 300,000 'hidden carers' - people who have never come forward to claim any kind of support or assistance. That upsets Brian because the help is there, if only people would ask for it.

In his case, Selby District Council has been wonderful, he says.

The Duckels' house has been equipped with gadgets to make it possible for Gina to continue living at home. There is a lift in the corner of the sitting room so Brian can help her get upstairs; a walk-in shower; and an adapted lavatory.

As well as local authorities, many charities - such as Carers UK and Age Concern - can offer advice and support, everything from claiming benefits (there are many carers may be able to benefit from - see panel) to offering respite care so carers can take a short break.

Brian has one message for those struggling to look after an ill or disabled relative on their own: ask for help. "Don't say 'oh, no, I won't bother'" he says. "Just do it!"

He and Gina like to do everything together, that's just how they have always been, Brian says.

She has a wheelchair and a battery scooter, so they can go out about town together. And once a year, they go to Bridlington on holiday.

"Bed, breakfast and evening meal," Brian says. "Everything done for us."

Yes, there are things that they have missed out on, he admits. But he's never been one for exotic foreign holidays. "I'm a Yorkshireman born and bred, and Bridlington will do for me."

Like any couple, the Duckels' have had their ups and downs. But Brain has never once regretted his marriage, and never felt resentment at having to look after Gina.

"No, no, no!" he says. "You marry for better or for worse."

Help and advice for carers

One in eight adults in the UK is a carer, according to charity Carers UK - more than six million people altogether. More than a million of these spend 50 or more hours a week caring for a sick or disabled relative, partner, friend or neighbour.

Seven out of ten carers are financially worse off since becoming a carer - and many who provide a substantial amount of care gave up paid work to look after someone. Carers save the economy an estimated £57bn a year by looking after people who would otherwise need professional care or hospital treatment.

Advice and support is available for carers, if you know where to look.

Age Concern York's In Safe Hands scheme, for example, can offer carers a break from the strains of looking after a loved one. Trained volunteers will take over the strain of caring, from just a few hours a week to a full week at a time. Taking a break can make a huge difference, says Age Concern's Monica Dunham: carers often come back refreshed and invigorated. And occasional breaks enable them to continue looking after a loved one at home for much longer. To find out more, call Age Concern on 01904 627995/ 621020.

Those looking after a loved one may be able to claim a range of benefits. Often it is the ill or disabled person themselves who claims, but there may be an extra element that can be claimed to help the person who is caring, says Mike Coda of City of York Council.

The benefits include carer's allowance, income support/pension credit, disability living allowance, attendance allowance, incapacity benefit, health benefits, council tax benefit, housing benefit and jobseekers' allowance. Claiming can be complicated, admits Mike, but City of York Council can advise on benefit entitlement, how to claim, and even help fill in claim forms. Call 01904 551111 if you live in York (or your local authority if you live outside York) or your local carers centre: (01904 724466 for the York and Selby Carers Centre).

Carers are entitled to a carer's assessment, carried out by the local authority. This is to help social services assess what help might be needed with caring, and to look after the carer's own health. Carers can also get advice on local support groups, what benefits may be claimed, and what can be done to help them return to work, while still in a caring role. Call York council on 554141 if you live in York, or the relevant local authority.

Those with a long-term illness or disability are also entitled to a home care assessment, which will identify if they are entitled to home help or other assistance to enable them to continue living at home. Call York council on 01904 554141, or the relevant local authority.

Raising awareness

TODAY is Carers' Rights Day, held every year to encourage more carers to claim benefits they are entitled to, and to raise awareness.

A number of events are being staged in York today, including:

u A benefits information stall at Asda, Monks Cross, all day

u An event at the MS Caf, Haxby Community Centre, from 11am-2.30pm, hosted by Woodlands Respite Care Centre and the York branch of the MS Society. Staff from the city council's benefits advice team, Future Prospects and the York and Selby Carers Centre will also be there.

Updated: 10:16 Friday, December 02, 2005