Frightened to go out

For 21-year-old Helen Cobley, who sufferers from panic attacks and acute agoraphobia, that life is a reality.

Helen, of Lowther Street, York, says her problems have become so severe over the last two years that she only leaves her house twice a week, and often in tears.

Having a miscarriage and a relationship break-up left her feeling nervous and anxious to distance herself.

From there she developed agoraphobia, and once suffered a panic attack so bad that she had to go to hospital.

Although she takes anti-depressants, Helen feels there is no support in the York area to help her get her life back.

"My panic attacks started when I was pregnant," said Helen. "I got quite nervous going out, but put it down to all the hormones, yet when I miscarried it got really bad.

"When I went out I would get really dizzy and shaky and wouldn't be able to breathe. I'd come home to sit by myself to calm myself and then I thought the only way to stay calm was to stay at home.

"Now I'm getting desperate. I'm 21 and I want to go out and enjoy myself like anyone else my age.

"I used to be really bubbly and love going out and now I am just a shadow of myself.

"I just want my life back."

Helen said she had found strength from other sufferers on the internet, who shared their tips for overcoming agoraphobia.

She is a part-time model, but has not been able to work properly for two years and often misses appointments.

She has been referred to a psychotherapist, but often has to cancel sessions because she cannot bring herself to leave the house.

"It is a vicious circle. I was all ready to leave the house for my last psychotherapist appointment but I could not do it, I was crying and I physically could not do it.

"There should be more support to help people like me in our homes to help us overcome our fears."

Dr Dave Butler, consultant clinical psychologist for Selby and York Primary Care Trust (PCT), said: "With agoraphobia, the problem is usually a fear of leaving one's home, or other place which feels "safe" - or getting closer to somewhere associated with a fear.

"The most common situations that people with agoraphobia report being afraid of are those of crowded places, such as supermarkets, shopping centres, cinemas and theatres.

"Often the situation feels worse for the person if they fear they can not get out of it quickly. Many people with agoraphobia also have panic attacks, which are overwhelming feelings of anxiety, coupled with strong bodily symptoms such as their heart beating quickly, sweating and hyperventilation and a feeling of loss of control.

"Agoraphobia or panic attacks are often experienced for the first time by sufferers following a prolonged period of stress in their lives."

:: Helen's story

" Imagine not being able to leave your house without feeling sick and dizzy every time your feet touched the pavement.

Imagine not being able to be near your own friends without being gripped with fear.

Imagine getting up everyday, feeling scared, useless and lonely. That's how I feel everyday.

I haven't been able to keep a job for two years and haven't seen my friends much in the past 24 months.

I've managed to go out in town maybe two or three times this year, and even then I had to literally drag myself out and ply myself with drink so I don't notice how scared I'm feeling.

"Of what?" people ask. But I can't answer.

Am I scared of people? Of public situations? Or just generally being in the outside world? These are questions I ask myself everyday, but can't seem to land on one answer.

Some days I'm regular me, the old me who was laughing and joking.

But no matter how normal I feel, I still can't get myself to walk further than the shop that's six doors away.

"But at least it's a start" you might say...but that's been my starting point for two years.

When I do manage to venture further afield, I'm constantly feeling sick, dizzy and scared the whole time.

I've got better at masking how I feel; a lot of times I've been sat with friends and had several attacks in one sitting, but they don't notice. I just smile and try not to blush too much.

It was my 21st birthday last weekend. A perfect time to party and let my hair down. Yeah right...I spent my full party trying to catch my breath and being sick with fear. My first birthday party since I was nine and I missed it.

But I've got used to missing out on things now. Like modelling jobs, I've missed so many I'm surprised I still get any work.

How do you call friends and explain to them that the old me, the happy go lucky, always-out-having-a-good-time-me isn't here anymore.

And the new me is afraid to go outside, afraid to spend time with lifelong friends, afraid to even go on a bus.

How do you tell them that without them putting the phone down thinking you're a lunatic! I'm still working on it, so if you find out... let me know. "

Updated: 10:25 Friday, July 22, 2005