You can't beat a good read

Dear Book Lover, Thank you for your continued support. Our latest catalogue is enclosed. Inside you will find novels to touch your soul, travel books to move your mind and practical guides to plumb your boxroom.

Great news! By your previous selections you have distinguished yourself as a Discerning Reader and are therefore entitled to a massive Discerning Reader Discount of five per cent (on orders over £70, bestseller range not included).

Here at Puffball Publishing, we are genuinely excited about our spring collection.

It has been put together with joy, pain, tears and very real backache.

Here are some of the titles that made us weep.

Novels: Mucus Man by Irvine Welsh (£17.99). Ira McCallister is a child abusing social worker with an attitude that stinks as bad as his fungal infection. His main hobby is to mutilate baby seals and sell the pictures to his pervert associates. Black comedy at its unintelligible best from the Scottish biblio-terrorist.

Lottie, Bestie and Me by Kip Champagne (£6.99). This sparkling debut novel about a Manchester United fan's struggle to find lasting love in the torrid Nineties led the Express to dub the author "Bridget Hornby." A one-off.

Claire's Journey by Laura Palmer (£9.99). The last in the trilogy sees the 19th century toolmakers' daughter fall passionately in love with Irish stonemason Chip. But they have to flee to the city when her father accuses Chip of plagiarising his novelty chisel design. "Gripping stuff" - Hardware Monthly.

Disco Bunnies by Harvey Steen (£10). By day Kyra is a cowboy coroner, killing people for pleasure and profit in lawless Harlem. By night he is the king of the underground dance scene, pumped up on animal hormones and Nestl Cheerios. But a chance meeting with an aboriginal transvestite changes his life. (Warning: the wombat scene is deliberately offensive).

Beanstalker by HL Kemp (£18.99). Gripping psychological thriller, based on the popular pantomime. Jack is a bio-scientist in 22nd century Middlesex. But his genetically modified beanstalk breaks out of the lab and tries to assassinate the Prime Minister. Soon to be a film starring Jeff Goldblum as the beanstalk.

Loopy Lou by Monty Maguire (£15.99). Maguire, the "James Herriot of psychiatric medicine", has come up with another hilarious "ga-ga saga". When the multiple personality patient becomes trapped with the agoraphobic, the laughs never stop.

Biographies: Letter to Monica by Mike DeVine (£12.99, including free cigar). As Monica Lewinsky's postman, LeVine knew her better than most. The revelations about her unpaid fax bill will rock the presidency.

The Monica I Knew by Will Carling (50p ono). The former England rugby captain speculates that he shared a flight with a woman he now believes to be Lewinsky.

Monica: the American Di? by Jasmine Pitt. The controversial columnist on the Washington Performer exposes the uncanny parallels between these icons of the 20th century. "Both were women. Both wore famous dresses. Both met Bill Clinton. Need I go on?"

Self Help: Using Feng Shui To Keep Your Man by Margaret Moment (£9.99). Moment demonstrates how to position your furniture to ensure your dream man stays put. A piano in front of the front door is particularly effective.

Five Steps to Hairless Knees by Kate Buchanan (£5.99). The title says it all girls.

Sport: Over and Out by T R Floss (£14.99). The world's greatest homosexual cricketers are celebrated in this colourful account. Full stats (both physical and sporting) are included.

15/03/99

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.