Blame floods on MudBuster

We know who is to blame for the great North Yorkshire floods of 1999. His name is Tim Pickard and he sparked it all off with his giggly rain dance.

Tim is the partner of inventor Roddy Hall whose multi-noduled shoe-cleaning creation, the Mudbuster, booms as rainfall levels rise.

Roddy says: "I'm sure that Tim's silly rain dance in the back garden of his home/office here in Old Malton did it. He was trying to drum up more business and there's no doubt that he succeeded."

Only it was a little like the Sorcerer's Apprentice who meddled with magic and brought flood chaos to Merlin, because guess who found himself battling to keep out the rising waters in Town Street by barricading the office with sandbags?

That's right: Tim himself. Now that the waters have begun to recede, the Mudbuster orders have begun flooding in, but Roddy, as astute a businessman as he is an inventor, sees the dangers of being sued.

"We've been asked by our solicitor to say nothing," he quips.

Disaster? You ain't seen nothin' yet. It seems that whole villages have been uprooted by the Great Flood and washed to far flung corners of Yorkshire.

Just when you were getting used to the idea that Pickering, Stamford Bridge, Elvington and Malton were in North Yorkshire, the Rivers Derwent and Wye flood their banks and a torrent of ignorant southern journalists pour into the territory.

As a result the quick summary headline on Channel 4 News during the Big Breakfast featured the Big Cock-up, that "more flooding is expected in West Yorkshire." Wednesday's Daily Star reported "Towns and Villages in South Yorkshire were still under water yesterday..." and, if this bulletin was to be believed, that included Norton, Malton, Pickering, Stamford Bridge and Elvington. And BBC Radio 4's newscaster reported that the Derwent had "flooded York". If that was the case, then nowhere in Britain is safe, I declare drily.

Still on the subject of flood reportage... Wasn't it a hoot when the best laid production plans of the BBC went awry in their Wednesday morning coverage?

A female reporter was interviewing two people, one of them a local newsagent from the unusual vantage point of floating in a boat on the flood tide at Elvington.

All around this bobbing trio was shining waste water.

Suddenly the little craft began to sway... as a cyclist - on foot - walked behind the boat.

Pop went the illusion.

You would think that with all the resources and intellect of Chancellor Gordon Brown's financial wizards they might have steered him to a solution of the great prawn cracker problem in Tuesday's Budget.

But that crunch time is yet to come. The issue: are prawn crackers subject to VAT?

In a recent "clarification" of the law, customs & excise decreed that the humble prawn cracker is VATable when made from potato or cereal but not when made from tapioca.

The reason behind this - barmy - bit of bureaucracy is that tapioca comes from the cassava plant which is a root crop which attracts tax.

On the other hand, says Kevin Ahern, VAT partner in the northern office of chartered accountants Deloitte & Touche, customs accepts that the popular Chinese snackfood is designed to be eaten cold.

"So relief from VAT is available even when they are sold as part of a take-away hot meal, provided, of course, that they are made from the right ingredients,"he says.

The question is now - are Customs and Excise likely to send in prawn crackers spies to finger all those Chinese restaurateurs who are tapping into the tapioca scam?

Might they be able to save the Health Service, build new railways and roads, and reduce our taxes at a stroke by ending the cassava palava? Or is this a job for the prawn squad?

Fulford School's exemplary anti-smoking record missed out on recognition this week, as the school filled with fumes.

The blaze, which left pupils, parents and staff stunned on Monday morning as they saw their craft, design and technology block devastated by flames, happened on the eve of the school receiving a smoke free award on No Smoking Day.

The prize was to be handed over from the Health Promotion Service to recognise the work done to buck the growing trend for youngsters taking up the habit.

Margaret Hewitson, health promotion specialist, said: "In the light of what happened we decided it wasn't the best time to give the award."

Welcome to... Wells!

Sorry to report that York has just been re-named Wells. A press release sent to newspapers all over Britain alerts newsdesks to the fact that Take a Break, the women's weekly magazine "has turned Wells into a puzzle."

It certainly has, because the treasure hunt referred to - a series of riddles linked to a travel feature - is based on York, not Wells.

Unless, that is, the colourful map shown in the treasure hunt featuring York Minster, Jorvik Viking Centre and York Castle Museum is really a perfect replica of Wells, the copycat city which is trading on York's reputation.

13/03/99

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.