In the interest of fair play, I have decided to invite 150 friends and relatives to fly with me to Afghanistan. We would of course expect an armed guard to escort us to the Kabul Hilton, where we would live in luxury for at least eight months, being supplied with free food, access to all the facilities, and social workers at our beck and call daily.

After that we would expect priority over Afghan nationals for a two-bedroomed house, special schools for our offspring because they don't speak the language and, of course, state benefits.

Should any Afghan politician object we would immediately claim asylum. Don't they realise there are people living in cardboard boxes in Blighty?

Our old people struggle to survive on an insulting hand-out every week, and we are forced by the dreaded BBC to pay over £100 a year to watch total dross. "Don't send us back guv - we're in danger!" Do you think it would work? Well why not, it works here.

Ella Hirst,

Coggan Close,

South Bank, York.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.