GIVE and take. That's supposed to be the recipe for a successful marriage. The trouble is, in my own relationship I have difficulty deciding which bit to give and which to take, to maintain marital harmony.

Maybe if I didn't 'give' my husband the toilet cleaner and scream "You know where the bathroom is!" or 'take' his favourite pair of boots - which are stinking out the house - to the tip, things would improve between us.

Anyway, following the give 'n' take ethos didn't work. So, I'm ready to try another, and this week I came across an extract from a new book, The Rules For Marriage. To be published next month, it is a sequel to the now-famous volume The Rules - about how to make the transition from singleton to married person.

But, having pondered the new 'rules', I'm not so sure - in my house anyway - whether bliss would be forthcoming. Some of them leave a lot to be desired. Take the following:

- Rule One: Lower your expectations in the first year.

Apparently you are not to expect a man to act how he did when you were simply dating. Once they are comfortable with you, men relax into their own ways, like staying home more or not shaving.

Blimey - to my mind, marriage causes you to raise your expectations. A boyfriend who is a stubble-faced couch-potato can easily be given his marching orders. It's altogether different to wake-up and find you are married to a fella who skulks around looking like a yeti and becomes an agoraphobic overnight.

- Rule Two: Accept that some things are none of your business.

This includes his relationship with his family, how much he sleeps and his TV habits. I'm sorry, but in our house everything is my business, from how many pieces of toast my husband eats on a morning to how much time he spends in the loo. His relationship with his mother in particular is my business as, in her presence he is a simpering boy of four who would make rash promises - like inviting her to stay on our sofa bed for three years.

- Rule Three: Don't expect a lot of sympathy.

If you have had a bad day or feel unwell and have been disappointed that he wasn't more sympathetic, try not to take it personally. He doesn't think he is being unkind.

Oh, but I do, and he is. On bad days I expect heaps of sympathy and whinge incessantly in the vain hope that it will be forthcoming. It never is, so I don't expect it. But in contrast to the advice in the rules, that doesn't make for a happy union.

- Rule Four: Don't compare him with others.

To compare is to despair. We all have friends whose husbands make more money, have better bodies, are more compassionate, spend more time with their children etc...

Well to be honest, I don't compare my hubby with friends' partners. I set my lines of reference on a higher plane: for earning capacity - Bill Gates; body - Sam Shepherd; compassion - Kofi Annan. He does spend time with the children, so I can't get him on that one.

- Rule Five: Appreciate his advice.

I would if it was sensible - it rarely is.

- Rule Six: Keep it to yourself how you really feel about his family and friends.

That's impossible. I don't want him to think I don't mind his mates slopping their coffee all over the carpet and not apologising, or talking about how many traffic cones they nicked during their college days as if they were yesterday.

- Rule Seven: Don't try too hard.

This is farcical - I would have to try extremely hard to fulfil all the above. In fact I would have to completely change personality.

The rules may have been a best-seller and this one may be just as popular. But it certainly won't be gracing my Christmas list this year.

Breaking The Rules - now that's more up my street.