THE UK Independence Party election rally, featuring millionaire businessman Paul Sykes, was in town yesterday.

The posters promised "big names and surprise celebrities from broadcasting,

showbiz, politics -- even Europe". The air was heavy with anticipation. Who would these stars of stage and screen be? They were astronomer Sir Patrick Moore, Robin Page from One Man And His Dog and

Coronation Street actor Brian McDermott.

Labour and Tory politicians, meanwhile, were in surprisingly good moods. Chancellor Gordon Brown told a press conference: "There is

no truth in the rumour that John Prescott is now only available on pay-per-view

after what happened last week." And there were gags at the Tory briefing as well. There is a lot of building work taking place at Central Office -- which means a lot of banging. One hack asked William Hague: "Can you confirm that loud knocking sound is Ken

Clarke trying to get out and talk about Europe?"

Updated: 11:55 Saturday, May 26, 2001