Q My partner and I have been together for two years, quite happily, that is until we moved in together - the past nine months have been hell.

He is moody and angry and nothing I do seems to be right. We end up having nasty arguments just like his parents used to. Things never seem to get resolved and as much as I love him, I'm not prepared to live like this. I am walking on eggshells trying to anticipate what's likely to set him off.

What can I do to make things better between us?

A Your relationship changed quite drastically when you started living together. Moving in together can be quite a shift and for many couples there needs to be a period of adjustment.

Anger is a normal part of any relationship whether between a parent and child or an adult couple.

However, it sounds as though your partner's anger is threatening your relationship and I'm wondering why is he so moody and what the arguments are about?

Perhaps his parents' pattern of communicating via nasty arguments is what he knows best and he is unconsciously modelling this relationship with you.

How much anger your relationship and you as individuals can tolerate has much to do with your respective childhood legacies.

Whether you are repeating them or reacting against them could be explored further. Also, perhaps in your family, anger was handled very differently than your partner's family.

Tell your partner how concerned you are about the relationship, ask him how he feels about things, let him know that you are not prepared to walk on eggshells any longer and that trying to anticipate what triggers his anger only serves to make you responsible for the climate of your relationship.

This responsibility, in fact, needs to be a shared one.

It is not easy to find appropriate ways of expressing anger in relationships but learning to communicate how you both feel and being honest with each other is a way forward.

Some brief counselling with Relate may also be helpful.