Q I really want something new in my life this year, but I don't know what. Can you help?

A One of my mentors, Zig Ziglar, says that "you can have anything you want in life, if you just help enough other people get what they want".

The problem is that most people don't know what it is they want and if the things they want are actually the things they need.

There is a great deal of difference. The things we know we need are usually to satisfy our definition of a good quality of life. Whereas the things we want are usually to satisfy our standard of living, what we think we 'ought' to have.

Sometimes the things we think we 'ought' to have, or do, cost us time and money we cannot afford. For instance, have you ever been to a party or gathering you didn't want to go to just because you thought you "should" go? Me too!

Make two lists, with your partner if you have one. The first list should contain at least ten things that you need to ensure you have a quality of life you are happy with. How much love, attention or time with family and friends is enough? How much money is enough? How much exercise is enough? And if you want to lose weight how much do you think you need to lose?

Now make a list of all of those things you want out of life. Things on this list would be nice, but not essential. More money, time, patience and so on. You should then give an honest reason why you want these things. If your answer is to live up to someone else's expectations, then you should throw these things off your list.

Now go back to your need list and see how many things that you need, you already have. You could be a lot closer to contentment than you first thought.

Finally, what three actions could you take today that will help you to shift your focus on to what you need rather than what you want.

Updated: 09:35 Monday, January 21, 2002