BEING Lord Mayor of this great city isn't all pomp, starch and stiff upper hips from buckling under the weighty chain of office. It has its lighter moments, too.

The right-hand-man of former Lord Mayor Irene Waudby found his position wasn't all about prestige.

As she ended her year in office this week, it was revealed that the first citizen's consort, Derek, spent much of his time known as an item of women's underwear.

"We once went to a dinner where the president of a national body called him my corset all night," says Irene. "He just seemed to get the word into his mind and he kept repeating it.

"All the people around him were trying hard not to laugh. He's been known as that since."

New Lord Mayor David Horton sounds as though he has a lot of comedy to look forward to.

In another tale, Coun Waudby remembers following a marching band through the streets of Hull.

"We marched past a lane to our left when some wag in the crowd shouted 'left turn'," she says.

"The whole band of about 20 musicians, together with a policewoman leading them, turned left while we went straight ahead.

"I heard this scuttling behind me and then the policewoman went running past us trying to get back to the front, but I have no idea what happened to the band."

- IT is seven years since Peter Bleach, North Yorkshire businessman and York St Peter's School old boy, was banged up for life for his alleged part in an 'arms drop' over India - but he has managed to preserve his sense of humour.

This despite being in poor health - he has recently been diagnosed with TB, after languishing so long in a Calcutta chokey.

Recently an elderly family friend of the Bleaches, Franz Schneider, who lives in Hanover, sent Peter a food parcel with an accompanying letter full of the usual chit-chat about life at home.

Although Herr Schneider's command of the English language is normally excellent, on this occasion he slipped up.

When mentioning to Peter that he thought he needed to see an urologist, he spelt the word as 'eurologist'. Peter's wry reply was:

"Unfortunately I don't really think you want to see a eurologist. A eurologist is a highly skilled psychiatrist who specialises in trying to help people with an irrational liking of Europe.

"It is a terrible disease that affects many people. I think, rather, that you want to see a urologist - a specialist in the piddle department - which is rather different!"

Herr Schneider commented: "Now there I was. On one hand I was quite embarrassed about this silly mistake, on the other I feel quite proud of having enriched the English language with a new expression!"

- CHUNKY York chef Jim Race was adjusting to life back in his old stamping ground - Ward 31 of York District Hospital - after his third heart attack when he heard a familiar voice coming from the next bed.

Jim, 52, of Tang Hall, turned to greet his mate of 25 years Ron Purnell who runs a B&B in Lawrence Street.

"Hey up Ron, what you in for, then?" asked Jim.

"Same as you, Jim, heart attack. My first," said Ron.

"It's my third," said Jim.

They sounded more like two proud young mums than blokes who had been knockin' on heaven's door.

As the two pals chewed the fat Not allowed: doctor's orders a nurse approached Ron to ask about his eating habits.

Did he have a full English breakfast what with him being in the B&B trade, and all?

"Never had a full English breakfast in 30 years," replied Ron, who is now nudging 60.

"I can't stand black pudding, you see?" he replied so deadpan it had Jim reaching for the bedpan cos he nearly wet himself in disbelief.

What Ron didn't tell the nurse was he always had the rest - bacon, sausage, egg, fried tomatoes and fried bread.

"Do you eat a lot of veg?" asked the nurse.

"Five nights a week ," replied Ron proudly.

"That's good," said the nurse.

Then Ron went and spoiled it.

"Yeah, five nights a week I have a vegetable curry take-away, the other two nights it's prawn..."

By this time Jim was gnawing his knuckles trying to fight back the rising gale of laughter.

He couldn't take any more so he said to the nurse: "Move that patient to a bed away from me otherwise I'll have another heart attack and die laughing!"

Last Wednesday the pals met up by chance at their local doctor's surgery where both had gone for a post-hospital progress check-up.

"Hey up, Jim," beamed Ron, "how are you doing?"

"Same as you, Ron, clinging to the wreckage!"

Jim told me all this sitting in a pub, sipping a pint while chewing noisily on a succession of Yorkshire Mixture boiled sweets. The noise was deafening in the quiet pub. It's not every day you have a drink with The Crunch Of Munchie Crispo...

- LET'S count down to the start of the World Cup next Friday with a few more home-grown howlers from football commentators...

Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals - Ex-Aston Villa player Peter Withe, on Radio 5 Live

You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals - Alan Green, on Radio 5 Live

The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes - Steve Coppell, Radio 5 Live

The lads really ran their socks into the ground - Alex Ferguson

It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday - Radio 5 Live

Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him... - Kevin Keegan.

..and the news from Guada-lajara, where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up - Brian Moore

If history is going to repeat itself I think we can expect the same thing again - Terry Venables

Think it's all over? It isn't yet. More later...

Updated: 09:34 Saturday, May 25, 2002