Q Are you one of those people who talk to themselves?

A Fortunately yes. Surprising as it may seem, though... so are you. Everyone talks to themselves. However, not everyone talks to himself or herself with the respect they deserve.

When I am delivering my seminars I ask people to write down the last thing they said to themselves, that, if someone else said it to them they would be offended. The results never fail to amaze me.

What would you write down? Let's say, for example, you call yourself stupid. How would you feel if a group of people called you stupid for five minutes a day every day for a week?

My guess is that your self-esteem would be pretty low by the end of it. The truth is that if you, or anyone else for that matter, tells you something often enough you cannot not start to believe it.

Negative self-talk can promote stress, low self-esteem and anxiety among other things. On the other hand, it can create massive self-confidence.

Work on this exercise for a week and see how you feel at the end of it. When you catch yourself saying "I can't" ask yourself instead "how can I?" or better still "what if I could?". Instead of "you stupid !?!?" say "that's not like me". And remember never say anything to yourself that would offend you if someone else said it to you.

Updated: 10:03 Monday, May 27, 2002