THIS would be an unusually well-researched column if it hadn't been for the cold rice pudding. And the old teabags leaking into the baked bean juice. And the smell of geriatric salad.

Delving elbow-deep into rubbish might seem an apt occupation for a journalist, but I hadn't the stomach for it.

Somewhere in our kitchen bin was the latest questionnaire from the Liberal Democrats. Due to my weak constitution, it stayed there. Now, thanks to the efficiency of our bin men (good luck with the strike today, guys), it will be mouldering under Hessay somewhere. Along with hundreds of others of the damn things.

Normally I am the first to consign the Lib Dems' tediously regular (and regularly tedious) literature to the bin. This time my partner had beaten me to it. But for once, with this column in mind, I wanted to read the stuff. Just not enough to dive into the day's leftovers.

You see, Steve Galloway, leader of the Lib Dem group on York council, is sure that his policy of shoving questionnaires through city letterboxes is a winner. In a letter printed in last night's Press, he insists that this process of "consultation" proves his party is a cut above.

Now I have a question. Is this belief a) charmingly misplaced; b) perverse, or c) just plain loopy?

A formal, independent referendum on a city-changing initiative could make for a useful democratic exercise. The Lib Dems' endless quiz sheets are nothing but a nuisance.

And the results are as much use as those gained by completing "are you compatible with your man?" tests in women's magazines. (Perhaps the next questionnaire could determine whether we are compatible with the Lib Dems... "Mostly 'a's: you are dynamic and strong-headed. Not good Lib Dem material. Mostly 'b's: some muddled-thinking. Try reading our manifesto. Mostly 'c's: congratulations! You are a self-satisfied bore. Your application form is in the post.")

The Liberal Democrats' "resident surveys" are a party political gimmick, not a genuine opinion-gathering exercise. They do not follow the strict rules of market research, and the sample is too small and skewed to interpret.

Coun Galloway's constant questionnaires merely reinforce the stereotype of the woolly-headed Liberal Democrat. It smacks of a policy meeting where no one dares express their own opinion, instead asking each other "But what do you think?"

That, I suppose, is as much as you can expect from a political group which hadn't the nerve to try to wrest power for itself from the Labour group this week. Instead Coun Galloway came up with an Irish stew proposal, where a mixed bunch of parties would try to run York together. That would never work - ask anyone, Steve.

We shouldn't be too hard on the Lib Dems. Their questionnaires are not the only way they make contact with real people. Coun Galloway writes that his team "do contract to spend, on average, four occasions each week communicating with the people of York in one way or another".

Does he mean talk to us?

CRIME, as we revealed on Saturday, has gone up by 38 per cent in York. Violent crime is up by 52 per cent, burglaries by 39 per cent and criminal damage by 29 per cent.

Police blame an influx of crack cocaine and a lack of police manpower.

So it was no surprise to read on Monday Chief Superintendent John Lacy's stirring call for a crackdown on... streakers. You have been mugged and burgled. Your windows are smashed, your car tyres slashed. But none of this matters - as long as the police are able to stop drunken divvies from haring down Knavesmire in nothing but a fright wig.

Updated: 10:57 Wednesday, July 17, 2002