WE should not be surprised. Any childcare expert will tell you - let them get their own way all the time and you are storing up trouble.

For years, what Tony wanted, Tony got. He wanted to meet all his favourite pop stars and footballers. They dutifully lined up at his front door.

He wanted a nice holiday in the sun. Rich mates clamoured to provide him with a villa and private beach. He wanted muzzled unions, servile backbenchers and an obedient electorate. We jumped into line.

Occasionally things have not gone to Tony's plan. When the fuel protesters were on the march, he had a right paddy. After the barracking by the WI he needed emergency dental surgery just to release his fixed grin.

But we have never known anything like what happened in Brussels.

Jacques Chirac failed to capitulate to our noble leader's will. So instead of Teflon Tony we got Temper Tantrum Tony. That's what happens if you spoil prime ministers.

The president of France and Mr Blair clashed over that most passionate of subjects, EU farm subsidy reform. It turned out that Jacques and the German chancellor Gerhard Schrder had done a deal behind closed doors.

Quelle surprise, as we say in York.

The exchanges were described by Downing Street as "vigorous". That's a diplomatic way of saying Mr Blair threw himself on the floor and pummelled the carpet with his feet and fists, screaming "It's not fair! It's not fair!" until Alastair Campbell calmed him down with a Murray Mint.

Since then, of course, the New Labour spin cycle has been set on whitewash.

The official line is that Tony Blair stood up to M Chirac, manfully defending British pride.

There is no easier way for a politician to boost his poll ratings than to have a go at the French. As neighbours, we've never really got on. They call us "perfidious Albion", we call them much shorter things.

Half the British nation trot over to France for their holidays and return raving about the climate, the roads, the restaurants and the street markets piled high with tomatoes the size of space hoppers.

Yet we can't wait to have a pop at them.

According to official reports, the Anglo-French fracas was conducted in a mixture of the two languages. No doubt Tony used his best Franglais to make his point...

Chirac: "Me and mon frere Gerhard 'ave, 'ow you say? stitched you erp like a keeper."

Blair: "Mon dieu! Vous ete un completement garlic-manging moron!"

Chirac: "'Ow dare you, you naughty leetle man."

Blair: "Voulez-vous like un sandwich de knuckle, vous cretin?"

Chirac: "Vous et whose army?"

Blair: "Moi et l'Americans, monsieur droopy-drawers."

Chirac: "Ca va, come and avez une go if you zink you're 'ard enurf."

Blair: "Vive l'Algerie!"

And that's when he was chucked out.

We are fortunate to possess in Tony Blair one of the few men in the country who can make a decent stab at a foreign language.

Not only is he fluent in le Franglais, he speaks perfect American, as this conversation, picked up by Menwith Hill's big electronic ears, demonstrates.

Blair: "Oh, I wuv you Georgie-porgie. I wuv you and I wuv your wuvverly big wockets. I'd do anyfing for you. Can I ride in Air Force One? Aw, can I, Mr Pwesident, can I?"

Bush: "Y'know, Terry, we have a real specialated relationship. God bless United Britdom."

Updated: 12:35 Wednesday, October 30, 2002