Feeling lonely and low as others enjoy Christmas? Don't despair, help is at hand as STEPHEN LEWIS reports

CHRISTMAS is a time when we're all supposed to be having fun - going to glam parties and spending time with the people we love most.

And probably many of us will be, and there is no harm in that. For those who are lonely, struggling to cope with a bereavement or simply depressed or unhappy, however, the sense of being excluded from the Christmas festivities can only heighten feelings of isolation and desperation.

"The message about family and about getting together is very strong at Christmas," says 'Rosemary', chairman of York Samaritans. "So if you are on your own, or you have lost someone, it brings it home. People who are lonely can feel more lonely."

Rita Leaman, a former nursing assistant turned Human Givens psychotherapist who recently opened her own therapy centre in York, agrees.

"Everyone's emotions to some degree are heightened at Christmas," she says. "It is an incredibly emotional time of year. The expectations are that you are supposed to be jolly, have masses of fun, share presents and just be happy and have a wonderful social life. For people on their own, it really emphasis their loneliness."

The fact that there is an anniversary quality to Christmas also means that it often painfully reminds those recovering from a bereavement of the loss of a loved one, Rita adds.

All of which means that inevitably, for some, what is meant to be a time of joy and celebration can be a time of heartache, loneliness and even desperation.

It is also a time when many traditional services seem to have closed down - heightening the feelings of isolation for those who feel left out of the fun. The good news is that there are people who can be there for you.

The York Samaritans office at 89 Nunnery Lane will be open between 10am and 9pm every day throughout Christmas and the New Year - as it is 365 days a year - for people who want to drop in.

"Just ring the doorbell, and we will come and invite you in for a chat and a cup of tea," says Rosemary.

The Samaritans helpline, meanwhile - 01904 655888 for those in the York area, or call the national helpline on 0845 790 9090 - will be manned 24-hours a day. So even if it is three am and you feel all alone in the world, a friendly voice is only a 'phone call away.

Rital Leaman, meanwhile, will be offering free sessions at her St Saviours Place therapy centre over the Christmas and New Year period, except for Christmas Day and Boxing Day themselves. Appointments by telephone only. Call 01904 673765.

- Numbers to call if Christmas is getting you down: Samaritans, 01904 655888 or their national helpline, 0845 790 9090; Saneline, 0845 767 8000, 12 midday until 2am every day; the NSPCC child helpline, 0808 800 5000, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Updated: 10:15 Monday, December 23, 2002