Stick to it

RESEARCH shows that by the end of January, more than 95 per cent of resolutions will have come unstuck. Effort and intention are not enough; you need a little psycho-savvy. Take smoking, for instance. Most wannabee non-smokers shoot themselves in the foot by saying, "I'm giving up smoking." Right idea; wrong words.

Think of all the negative connotations a phrase such as 'giving up' brings to mind. If you were playing Pictionary and had to illustrate the phrase 'giving up', what would you draw? A white flag of defeat and surrender? Someone with their hands up? Graphic stuff! Just the kind of imagery you do not need when you are trying to be strong and beat the evil weed.

Instead, figure out what it is that you do want.

The conventional solution is: "I am a non-smoker." The problem with this is that it still defines you in relation to smoking. Look a little deeper to discover your motivation.

Are you packing up fags for cosmetic reasons, because they make your teeth brown and you're reluctant to smile? If so, tell yourself "I'm a smiler, not a smoker."

Or is it because your partner doesn't fancy kissing an ashtray? If so, tell yourself, "I'm sexy, not smoky." If it's for health reasons, try "I'm a breather, not a wheezer." And if money is your motivation, make your mantra: "Cash not ash." (Experiment with a few - but not out loud, or people will think you're barmy.)

Losing weight is easier, too - provided you delete the words 'lose' and 'weight' from your vocabulary. Who wants to lose?

We spend our whole lives trying not to lose (friends, sports, wars, keys and so on). Lose the word lose.

'Weight' is bad language too, because, like all routines, eating habits are carried out by the sub-conscious mind. Your sub-conscious isn't great at following instructions if you express them in terms of what you do not want. It's much better at delivering if you tell it what you do want. Focusing on what you don't want (weight) may even make the problem worse, because a tyre of excess flab can really stick in the imagination.

This is what we call 'the pink elephant principle'. To experience it for yourself, just follow these instructions: please do not, whatever you do, now think of a pink elephant, with a long pink trunk, big pink floppy ears, big pink tree trunk legs, and a swishing pink tail. What did you just think of?

The pink elephant principle applies when you're trying to achieve any change of attitude or behaviour; don't tell your habit-forming mind what you don't want; tell it what you do want.

Say, "I want to be slim." Sounds bold doesn't it? Well go ahead: be bold. Now ask yourself what kind of slim you want to be and why. Do you want to be sexy slim? Healthy slim? Try these to see which fits: I want to be size 12 slim; cinema seat slim; Liz Hurley slim; I want to be ten stone 12 ounces slim.

Drafting your resolutions is a skillful job; only the right words deliver the right message.

But by what means do you deliver it? Some people make affirmations. They stand in front of a mirror and repeat a positive suggestion over and over again. I'm not knocking it but there are a few short-cuts you can learn to speed up the process.

First, you can cut down the need for so many repetitions by getting yourself relaxed and receptive. The simplest way to do this is by eliminating all distractions and daydreaming about a favourite (or fantasy) holiday location.

Then repeat your suggestions, or pre-record them and play them back to yourself. This is rudimentary self-hypnosis and it's all based on common sense. If you wanted to make a suggestion to someone, you'd ideally pick a time when they are relaxed and receptive, wouldn't you? Putting suggestions to your sub-conscious mind is no different.

However, one secret skill helps enormously: hitch the action you want to occur to an action that is already occurring. One tiny word makes all the difference, and that word is 'as'. For example: "As the days go by, I am becoming slimmer and slimmer."

"As spring approaches, I am becoming a breather not a wheezer."

To your critical mind, these associations may seem illogical, but remember: your sub-conscious mind gets the big results - and your sub-conscious likes to hitch a ride.

Did you spot the other useful word that is slipped into all those phrases? Some people resolve that they 'will' do this or they are 'going to' do that.

If you word your resolution in the future tense, that's where it will remain - in the future. It's like chasing a bar of soap around the bath; the results will keep slipping away from you.

So the standard solution is to express your resolutions into the present tense. ("As the days go by, I am slimmer and slimmer.") The trouble with this is that the 'realist' in you is likely to snort, "Slimmer! Who are you kidding? We're not one milligram lighter than we were half an hour ago."

To overcome this resistance, we need to bridge what is happening now with what we want to be happening soon. The magic word is becoming.

And it's true! You are indeed becoming slimmer. You are already becoming a smiler, not a smoker. In fact, you are well on the way to becoming whatever you want to be. In reading these very words you have already taken a giant stride forward.

Some basic planning

It's a good idea to write out a S.M.A.R.T. goal. That means:

Specific (e.g. size 12);

Measurable (e.g. from my current size 16);

Attainable (e.g. no insurmountable glandular cause);

Realistic (i.e. if you're six foot don't aim for six stone);

Time-related (i.e. by when).

Five important tips:

- If at first you don't succeed...stop and ask yourself why.

- Don't force things. Be gentle and patient with yourself.

- Balance out intense self-focus by also caring for others.

- Don't waste energy selling to others. Show by example.

- This only scratches the surface. Get help if you need it.

John Patterson has been a workshop facilitator and lifecoach since 1991 and is based in Pocklington. He is qualified in hypnotherapy, cognitive psychology, NLP and counselling.For information on forthcoming workshops, email:

lifecoach@fastmail.fm

For information on one-on-one lifecoaching sessions, ring 0775 444 8893, 8-11am.

Updated: 09:52 Tuesday, December 31, 2002