STOCKTON-on-the-Forest has expanded by one tree.

But this suspiciously upright specimen did not sprout from seed and gradually reach for the skyline.

It was dropped from a great height by workers concealing a mobile phone mast.

We are sorry to tell them that this artificial arborescence is fooling no one. We have seen Hollywood actors who are more wooden.

But we may yet be proved wrong. If a woodpecker prangs its beak on the "tree" or it becomes a favoured canine loo (for the dogs' sake, we hope it is earthed and waterproofed), the authorities have not dropped a clanger.

Updated: 10:47 Thursday, February 27, 2003