IN TIMES when there is not a great deal to smile about, thank heavens for Geoff Hoon and Tessa Jowell.

A couple of classic moments from two of the least likely Cabinet Ministers of the Tony Blair years proved the only bright spot in a very grim week.

Iraq is dominating all. Tony Blair looks drawn and tired, while his Labour MPs are tearing at their hair with frustration and worry.

They hate the thought of sending troops off to war and possible death on

Saddam Hussein's killing fields.

But if it has to be done, MPs at least want it to be with the full backing of the United Nations and the British people. For the moment, they cannot achieve this. It is in the hands of Russia, France and China. If these permanent members of the Security Council back a further UN resolution (taking the total to 18), the diplomatic crisis will pass.

The UN's position as the world's policeman will be safeguarded - rather

than leaving the US in a position where it will never again feel the need

to seek the approval of the international community before going to war.

And public opinion at home will shift overnight, according to pollsters.

The British public have, probably for the first time in the UN's lifespan,

locked on to the fact its approval is a very big deal indeed.

Until that time, Labour politicians are left to publicly walk a tightrope of

backing the Government for the moment while threatening to alter their stance if the will of the UN does not change. And of privately cursing

President Chirac, and taking small comfort in the dozens of anti-French

jokes going round the Commons.

(One MP told me: "How many Frenchmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. He stands on a ladder and waits for the world to revolve around him.") Lighter moments are in short supply.

Which brings me nicely on to Defence Secretary Mr Hoon and his welcome ability to get a laugh even at the height of a crisis. Granted, not many Labour MPs were smiling when it emerged Mr Hoon had gone skiing during the Parliamentary recess.

He is, of course, entitled to spend time with his family - but it shows a remarkable lack of media savvy to be whizzing down the slopes as British soldiers sail off to the Gulf.

What did produce a wry grin, however, was his choice of footwear when he

returned from the Alps and went to visit our troops overseas. He wore loafers. Really low cut ones. With tassels on and ill-matching socks. "Perhaps desert boots may have been a more appropriate choice," one MP remarked.

It was an attempt at showing too much media savvy which won Ms Jowell some unexpected laughter.

The Culture Secretary, who recently banned the anti-war march in London

before announcing it should go ahead after all, gave a speech on museums.

It was less than memorable stuff, but she was keen to get some positive coverage so she rustled up a press release.

The first went: "Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell today hailed Manchester as 'the new Bilbao' with an international reputation built on the cultural

regeneration of the city.

"Speaking at the Building Tomorrow - Culture in Regeneration conference at The Lowry, the Culture Secretary said that people should now talk about

'the Manchester effect'..."

Nothing entertaining about that. But then a second release landed on the Westminster system. "Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell today hailed Birmingham as 'the new Bilbao'..."

Next came Gateshead. "When will she stop?" said Ryedale's John Greenway - a Tory spokesman on culture. "Surely it can only be one of them?"

Updated: 10:45 Friday, February 28, 2003