Answer me this

Callers to her home in Wetherby Road are treated to a sultry rendition. No jokes about strangled cats, please!

"I used to sing the song at karaoke nights in Toffs," says Amanda. "You have to record your own message on my answer machine so I thought it would be something different. My friends laugh every time it comes on. I may record a different song soon."

Can you top Amanda's phone message.

Ring me on 01904 653051, Ext 335. I promise you, Blondie, I won't keep you Hanging On The Telephone.

- AND while I'm on the phone, here's a story about Fred Dibnah, Lancashire steeplejack and king of chat on the theatre circuit. An Evening Press reporter was due to interview Dibnah. A time was agreed, the phone number handed out. But when the reporter rang, a recorded message informed him his call had not been accepted under the "anonymous call bar" system.

It was nothing personal, Fred's wife explained, after contact was established. "Fred used to get lots of prank calls in the early hours of the morning, so we've put a stop to that."

The amiable raconteur will be chatting about chimneys at the Grand Opera House on March 9; all callers welcome.

- AH, the marvels of modern technology.

The dispensers of justice down in Clifford Street can now talk directly via a TV link to prisons all over the country from Exeter to Durham and from Strangeways to Wandsworth.

So the unfortunate defendant is spared the delights of a ride out in a Group 4 security van to come to court.

I was told it works without a hitch. But not so. Things don't go so well when witnesses are involved. Hard by the courtroom at York Magistrates Court is a vulnerable witness booth, which is also supposed to have a TV link.

But, whereas the odd matter of 400 miles is easily overcome, talking to the room next door can prove impossible for 21st century technology.

I'm told that the odd trial has had to be postponed or delayed while court officials deal with the techno gremlins.

- IT was good to see a national newspaper trailing in the steps of the Evening Press in recording the bravery of young Jonathan Goddard.

The 17 year old was praised by transport experts after his prompt action in hitting the footbrake of a coach that threatened to run away while parked on a slope. He saved his Fulford School classmates from serious injury or worse.

One weighty broadsheet was so taken by our report that it also ran the story. But not content with just one version of Jonathan's heroism, it placed two different stories close together, on pages four and six to be precise, so its readers had two helpings of good news.

While this may seem over the top, it is reassuring that the London-based media are looking further than Watford Gap... for a change.

- TODAY is the last day of National Pubs Week organised by those real-ale people, Camra. So what has happened?

I'll tell you what has happened, breweries have put up the prices of just about everything apart from the soap in the lavatories.

No wonder more people are choosing to drink at home or go out for a pint even later.

When I challenged a local publican about what it all meant, he scratched his head, held out his hand and said: "Enjoy this while you may, a pint of Johns is going up 6p soon."

By the way, today marks the start of National Bed Month... make of that what you will!

- GO to jail, do not say no...

Last Wednesday I got a call from Helen Douglas, attraction manager at York Dungeons asking if I would sit in my old cell for the afternoon as a talking head.

Apparently the projector which projects Dick Turpin's talking head into the cell had broken down and Helen thought: "Why not get the real thing?"

I couldn't oblige Helen of Joy, I was too busy kick-starting the Evening Press vans...

- MY highly-influential pal, regional finance director Stuart Watts of York, reverently known as the King Of Cash, is sports-mad and a good sport to boot (please take note Sir Alex Ferguson).

He is hooked on radio sporting coverage because it keeps him well informed and gives him a laugh...

"Here's a couple of recent radio classics for your consideration," - accountants speak like this, apparently.

Jonathan Agnew, Radio 4, Sunday February 16, England v Holland in the cricket world cup - "And over to my right there are 20 African children all wearing Dutch caps" then 20 seconds silence followed by: "Oh, I wish I had said orange..."

Frank Warren, Radio 5 Live, speaking about Clifford Etienne before his fight with Mike Tyson, who took 49 seconds of the first round to dispatch Etienne in Memphis early last Sunday morning our time.

Clifford's nickname is The Black Rhino.

"He should be called The Black Lino, because he has been on the floor in his last seven fights."

You were right on the money, Frank.

Knock out, Stewie, baby, keep 'em coming.

- This was sent to me by Des Cartes, an expatriate French philosopher who now props up the bar of the Greyhound at Dunnington: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."

Another pint of chardonnay, Des?

Updated: 11:38 Saturday, March 01, 2003