When I spotted the headline I had to check it wasn't April Fools' Day.

"Great sex life begins at 40 - survey." I gasped at the words, wondering exactly how much the researchers paid women (the object of the survey) to agree with that statement. To me, a more whopping piece of fiction would be hard to find. As I have said countless times in this column (sorry to be a bore), once you are over 30, a cup of tea and a biscuit beats sex hands down.

Over 40 and you'll do anything - feign a bout of SARS, emigrate, file for divorce - to avoid the dreaded three-letter word.

However, the National Over-45s Sex Survey carried out for a health magazine found that 59 per cent of women in that age group said romps were better than when they were younger and they were more adventurous, with 89 per cent varying positions and locations including sex in the garden.

I don't believe a word of it. In the garden? If my husband even suggested this I'd stick a spring of pyracantha down his boxer shorts.

In this job we keep all manner of clippings from the newspaper. And I've looked back a few years to prove how false these latest findings really are. The following are headlines that tell it like it is.

March 2003: No sex, we'd rather slump. We work such long hours that we would rather loll in front of the TV than have sex. - How true. And isn't the TV heaps more stimulating? What with 'The 100 Greatest...' whatever every Saturday night and home makeover shows every other, there's no contest.

November 2002: Sex and drugs? Most of us don't even have time to do the shopping - My point exactly. Although 24-hour opening at my local supermarket has helped.

September 2001: Is that G-spot just a myth? - Scientists claim to have proved that it is (exactly how is anyone's guess). But however they did it, I have to agree. What does it mean

anyway? I think it's something to do with car engines. I reckon a mechanic once referred to it in a tantric sex workshop and it stuck.

September 2001: Making love can put you at risk from a heart attack, men told. - Scientists claim that men (half those surveyed were between 45 and 60) are twice as likely to suffer a heart attack one hour after sex as those who do not have it. As I regularly remind my husband, it's a good reason if ever there was one to pack it in. The last thing we women want is to be tearing over to casualty in the middle of the night.

November 1999: Career women prefer sleep to having sex. - Worn out after a day at the office, two out of five female workers are losing their libido, a survey found. In my experience it's any woman with any job, whether part-time or full-time, from high-flying lawyers to housewives with small children (the hardest job in the world). And the older we are, the more we need our kip - far more than a quick romp between crumpled sheets that we haven't had time to launder for six months.

There. That's my overwhelming evidence to disprove the claim. And it's all true. At least it is in my home.

Updated: 10:29 Monday, May 12, 2003