Potts of respect

This was true.

But the Mr J Potts to whom I referred was not the veteran Evening Press newspaperman, the late John Potts who first commissioned Yorick 20 years ago, and who always had my respect and affection.

I was referring to Mr Justice Potts, the judge at Jeffrey's trial; for whom I also have respect and affection; ever since, as a prefect at the school we both attended, he sentenced me to one hour's detention and ordered me to write out 100 times: "I will never tell another lie".

THE biggest laugh in last Saturday's Press was not, alas, one of Yorick's items. It was a letter from Robert Holmes, of Thorganby. Mr Holmes seems to have thought my invented letters from Princess Diana in the previous issue, were genuine! If this is so, it was cruel of the Press to publish his letter. They should have let it rest in peace, at the bottom of the waste-paper bin.

LAST week, the media portrayed two contrasting Prime Ministers' consorts, Dennis and Cherie.

As I watched Dennis on TV, I gasped at the opportunities he'd missed. Why no tour of the bedroom?

Where was the style-guru? Where were the cute little objects, left around, oh-so-casually, to prove he was cool? The only signs of "hip" he showed, were signs of a hip replacement.

Cherie, on the other hand, appeared in Marie-Claire (or some such magazine). She showed us everything Dennis left out.

But if we're comparing consorts, I'd rather have Dennis than Cherie.

OLDER readers may know the name of Marriott Edgar as the author of those brilliant monologues made famous by Stanley Holloway, of which the most famous is Albert And The Lion.

Actually, the original title was The Lion And Albert.

Another well-known ballad to have reversed its title is Christmas Day In The Workhouse, originally entitled In The Workhouse, Christmas Day. It was not a comic piece at all. It was a savage diatribe against injustice, written by Yorick's hero, George R Sims.

Twenty-five years ago, Roy Hudd performed it on TV, bringing out its original anger, as no straight actor (is this an oxymoron?) could have done.

An orphan himself, Roy knew what he was talking about.

WHY can't the gays and lesbians who want to dress up as bishops and vicars, just go somewhere else?

They should leave the Anglican church to get on with its principal task, which is to look after all the magnificent buildings it owns.

NOT content with the right to roam, ramblers are now claiming the right to roam naked. This hobby is known as "boots-only hiking", say North Yorkshire Police.

Yorick enjoys a stride, once in a while, but most of my walks involve nettles, brambles, thistles and similar above-the-ankle hazards.

Perhaps the Evening Press's next Saturday walk could be especially devised for these boots- only hikers? It could finish in a little-known quicksand, which would slowly suck them beneath its ooze to their doom, still raging about their rights to the last.

A GROUP of hunting fanatics has styled itself the rural army according to the leader in Monday's Evening Press. Whatever next? The provisional rural army? The real rural army? The continuity rural army?

There are only two armies in this country which command any respect. One is the British Army and the other is the Salvation Army.

HOW many of the people who complain at having to pay to visit York Minster actually go there to pray?

Very few I bet (except for the school parties who pray that their visit won't go on too long).

Yorick supports the charges. If they narrow down the crowds to those who are really interested, these people will be happy to pay for the added peace and tranquillity.

It should be regarded as a congestion charge which has worked very well in London.

YORICK would like to add to Mike Natt's case against speed humps in York (Evening Press, August 5). It is this. Speed humps are a hazard to pedestrians.

Why pedestrians? Well, many pedestrians treat speed humps as though they were pedestrian crossings, especially when they adjoin the pavement. They stroll, amble, or stumble on to them, oblivious to traffic.

If any law-abiding motorist were to knock one of them down he would get the blame. The pedestrian is always right... in York.

YORICK has only ever written one football report. I reported a match between York City and Gillingham. I did it for my son, then an ambitious sports journalist and former editor of When Saturday Comes. He got me a seat in the press box.

I found the seasoned old pros around me incredibly helpful and good-humoured.

My report included the phrase "... this provoked a pitch invasion by the St John's Ambulance".

End of Yorick's career as a sports journalist. Also, end of Yorick's career as an Evening Press columnist.

This is indeed Mr Yorick's last column.

Updated: 08:32 Saturday, August 09, 2003