INSTEAD of having a woman in every port, merchant seaman Dan Woodhouse has the Evening Press. This must make for a far simpler, not to say better informed, life.

The lures of an exotic foreign girlfriend waiting on the quayside are obvious. But what Ecuadorian beauty could tell Dan the latest batting averages of the Hunters cricket league? A Japanese companion might serve up a super sushi, but could she offer a critical appraisal of York Light Opera's stage spectacular? And which Antipodean angel could apprise him of the A64 jams?

As Dan knows so well, when it comes to local news and sport, the Evening Press is mistress of all she surveys.

Updated: 10:33 Monday, September 01, 2003