GORDON Brown's pre-Budget report was the big news of the week. When the Chancellor has something to say, it always is. But, while always very important, is is also usually dull.

So three Christmas cheers for less worthy MPs who managed to lighten the mood with shameless stunts and some utter nonsense about teeth - not to mention the Minister who got rather grumpy with Vale of York's Anne McIntosh.

Chief among their number was Julie Kirkbride, the new shadow minister for culture, who managed to get herself embroiled in a silly row about the rugby world cup reception at Downing Street. Julie was most disturbed she had not been given an invite to Tony Blair's "thank you" bash for our boys.

"This is a national event that should be celebrated by everyone," she complained. Downing Street duly issued an invite, but the fuss continued - as Ms Kirkbride shifted the focus to which door she would use.

Entering by the back door was rather rude, she grumbled. Downing Street was not impressed, but was still forced to explain itself at Monday's lobby briefing.

She could go in whichever entrance she wanted, but they had thought she may not want to push past the 400 schoolchildren who would be standing outside the famous front door.

In the end, Ms Kirkbride attended but still wasn't happy. Cherie Blair, glass in hand, had given her a telling off for going public with the row, Ms Kirkbride said - going public with a private conversation at the same time.

It wasn't long before concerns about our MP's social engagements turned to worry about their dentures.

In the chamber of the Commons Stephen McCabe, a Labour MP, observed some of the Tory front bench appeared to have had their teeth whitened. Mr McCabe is a dapper man and wouldn't want to be left with old, stained gnashers - but it absolutely wouldn't do for him to go private like the Tories.

"Is cosmetic teeth whitening available on the NHS?", he asked. Health Minister Rosie Winterton said it wasn't, unless there was a medical reason. Lord only knows what that could be.

Welsh MP Hywel Williams was in an even worse position. "I am the victim of an assault - an assault by treacle toffee offered to me by a seven-year-old at a school Christmas fair," he moaned, through a rather awkward-looking jaw.

He had been unable to find an NHS dentist and had to pay £400 for private treatment. Oh dear, said the patient Ms Winterton, he should have phoned NHS Direct. They would have told him where to go - which, I suspect, is exactly what she wanted to do.

The madness continued in Home Office Questions, when poor Ms McIntosh was threatened with a behaviour order. She had been trying to make a perfectly fair point about how Government efforts to tackle loutish behaviour were not working, forcing people in Skelton, Rawcliffe and Clifton Moor to spend £14,000 on private security guards.

Home Office Minister Hazel Blears started to give her an irrelevant answer on how Anti-social Behaviour Orders (ASBOs) were working in Leeds and Salford.

Ms McIntosh suggested this was hardly the point, then Ms Blears got sniffy. "We like to start off gently, so we start with an acceptable behaviour contract - perhaps we should have one of those in relation to our proceedings," she said.

Maybe they should, but there are far more deserving targets than Ms McIntosh.

Updated: 11:34 Friday, December 12, 2003