Men in charge? It's a remote possibility

IT'S astonishing how many men like to pretend we wear the trousers in our relationships when, deep down, we know we don't. We may like to posture about a bit in public. But back indoors and it is clear who's in charge.

That being the case, only wishful self delusion on the part of oppressed blokes everywhere can account for the findings of the latest survey into our viewing habits during Christmas.

Deciding what to watch is the number one cause of fights and arguments in the festive season, according to researchers from plasma TV specialist NEC. No argument there. But what about this? "In the battle for the remote control, it is the men who win out: blockbuster action movies and the Boxing Day football taking precedence over soaps and the Queen's Speech."

As Victor Meldrew would have said: "I don't belieeeeve it!"

There's no argument that men and women tend to like to watch different things. In our house, it's Terminator and Buffy The Vampire Slayer for me (plus Champion's League football as long as it doesn't involve Manchester United); and anything featuring the Queen or Prince William for my better half.

But woe betide me if something I want to watch coincides with something she wants to watch. In such cases, I have two choices: the video recorder or the doghouse. The video recorder is far more comfortable.

It never even gets as far as a fight, because my wife is so much more organised than me. I swear that she somehow manages to have neatly marked the week's required viewing - a star and an underlining for 'must see' TV, and the word "rec" beside anything that can be recorded for watching later - even before I've even managed to glance at the weekly TV guide. What chance do I have?

It's not only in my household that this applies, either. One colleague who I'll refrain from naming here - "her who wears the trousers", as she describes herself - admits there's only one person in control of the remote in her house: and it's not her husband.

He is endlessly mystified by some of her viewing habits. She's a voracious watcher of medical dramas and documentaries about sick children. "I like to sit there and have a good cry," she says. "He's always going 'what are you watching that for!" But while he may question, like so many men, he simply can't command.

Speak to most couples and ask them who is in charge of the TV remote and invariably there will be swapped, meaningful glances, followed by that slight smile on the woman's face that tells you all you need to know.

To test this theory, we went out on to the streets of York to ask couples about their viewing habits.

Christmas viewing habits revealed...

TV schedulers have the power to make or break Christmas, according to the new research from plasma screen specialist NEC PlasmaSync.

Its survey findings indicate that more than half of us can't live without TV on Christmas Day, and would rather give up the traditional after-lunch walk or even mince pies.

At the same time, however, deciding what to watch is the most common cause of arguments during the festive period, with more than 45 per cent of us citing television as the major cause of family rifts. A quarter of those surveyed pointed to bad presents or washing up as a source of squabbles, and just six per cent argue over going down the pub.

Christmas television viewing tastes differ wildly. One in three of those polled named the Only Fools And Horses classic when Del and Rodney make their millions and disappear into the sunset as their favourite moment. Following closely at number two was Ali G's alternative Christmas Speech and at number three was EastEnders' Dirty Den serving divorce papers to Angie.

In the battle for remote control, it is generally the men who win out, with blockbuster action movies and the Boxing Day football taking precedence over soaps and the Queen's Speech.

The latest big movie is the biggest draw this Christmas with 42 per cent of those polled citing it as the TV event they are most looking forward to. The Queen's Speech trailed behind at just six per cent.

In terms of sport, although football fixtures are traditionally an important feature of the TV schedule, it seems the sport on everyone's mind is still rugby. When asked which celebrity they would most like to watch reading the Christmas Speech, more than a third of those surveyed named World Cup hero Jonny Wilkinson.

Controversially, only four per cent opted for football idol David Beckham, well below comedy duo Ant and Dec at two per cent and even lower than Big Brother's Jade Goody, who attracted six per cent of the vote.

Our top ten Christmas TV moments, according to NEC

1. Del and Rodney making their millions and disappearing into the sunset in Only Fools and Horses

2. Ali G's alternative Christmas Speech

3. EastEnders' Dirty Den serving divorce papers to Angie

4. Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas

5. The Queen making her Annus Horribilis speech

6. Aled Jones singing The Snowman

7. Watching Ellen MacArthur spend Christmas alone aboard the Kingfisher yacht

8. Denise giving birth to Baby Davey in the Royle Family

9. Morecambe and Wise dancing with newsreader Angela Rippon in their 1977 Christmas special

10. Tara Palmer Tompkinson and Alex Sibley on Celebrity Blind Date

Updated: 09:56 Friday, December 12, 2003