CHRISTMAS can be a stressful time for everyone. But spare a thought for rocker-turned-publican Garry Barrett.

He has been forced to mount a round-the-clock Yuletide vigil to protect his inflatable snowman.

Garry and partner Penny Chaplin took over at the Dawnay Arms, Newton-on-Ouse, a couple of months back. Being fans of Christmas, they have kitted out the oldy worldy boozer with lots of twinkling lights.

The carrot-nosed chap outside is named Snowman Norman in tribute to Stormin' Norman of Gulf War I fame. He has drawn many an admiring glance from villagers.

But here things turn sinister.

Dropping his gravel-like voice to a whisper, Garry confided: "A local taxi driver overheard some clients in his cab.

"As they rode past, one of them said, 'it's that snowman. We're going to have to kidnap him and float him down the Ouse'. The river flows past the bottom of our beer garden.

"We're now keeping a 24-hour watch on Norman."

Apart from Snowman Watch, Garry is thoroughly enjoying his life as a landlord. Just back from playing in a band at the Daytona Bike Festival, he will not be rocking round the Christmas tree with his legendary band Stone Cold Sober until 2004, citing pressure of pulling pints.

Does he ever reflect on the irony of the frontman of Stone Cold Sober running a pub? "Someone said to me, 'it's like giving a lunatic the keys to the asylum'," Garry admitted.

WHO says Christmas spirit is fading? York Minster is suspending its admission charges for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

Such unabashed generosity is an example to us all this Christams.

HEWORTH man of letters Paul Willey believes Saddam Hussein would still be a free man if he had chosen any of the following hiding places: York Knights' trophy room; Rio Ferdinand's urine sample bottle; any street in York during summer late night opening; Bootham Crescent Holdings' Christmas dinner.

Paul has also passed on some jokes doing the rounds about York rent-a-protester Dr Keith Davis. We shall get to these soon.

THE Diary is ticked off by Bob Hutchinson. "Sorry to see that you have already fallen into the Americanisation of the English language in the last line of Tuesday's Diary when you referred to York as a '24/7' city. It may save time and space, but it should be 'twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week'. (Not yet the 51st state!)" Shucks, Bob, you have got us feeling like a real klutz.

FOLKIES can be sexy. Finger-in-the-ear trio Artisan, playing the National Centre for Early Music in Walmgate on Monday, put their music out on the Bedspring label. And their records all have a catalogue number beginning BOING...

TRUST those damnable Euro bureaucrats to ruin Christmas. According to a furious Robert Goodwill, Conservative MEP for Yorkshire, the EU is intent on outlawing fake snow and silly string.

If the ban goes ahead, we will presumably have to make do with real snow and sensible string, better known as, er, string.

STANDARDS of literacy are not as they should be in The Bookcaf. Spotted in the Market Street venue this week was a menu boasting the Dan Quayle-like spelling of the word "tomatoe".

Meanwhile, a sign in Help The Aged's Goodramgate shop window wishes everyone a peaceful Christmas. Pity it is next door to a window full of guns.

Cheers, Blue Moon Trading.

AND on that bombshell, it is only left for the Diary to wish both our readers a merry Christmas. We shall be back, editor willing, on Monday, December 30. Meanwhile, keep in touch.

Write to: The Diary, Chris Titley, The Evening Press, 76-86 Walmgate, York YO1 9YN

Email diary@ycp.co.uk

Telephone (01904) 653051 ext 337

Updated: 09:36 Friday, December 19, 2003