DALE Minks, or "Minnie" as we like to call him at the Diary, has been looking at life sideways for far longer than he has been writing jokey letters to the Evening Press.

It turns out that Minnie the Minks was amusing people in print as far back as 1969.

That was the year that he and others produced a leaflet entitled "Raylors Ribald Road Signs".

Subtitled "with apologies to the Ministry of Transport", it gave new names to road signs as familiar to motorists today as back then.

Dale was then employed by Raylors, the "contractors' equipment, plant hire and scaffolding specialists" based in Thomas Street, York.

All the signs in the leaflet were available to order from the company, as long as the customer quoted by number, "not by wording".

Minnie loaned the Diary his copy in response to a York Hospital registrar's campaign to change the "demeaning" road sign for elderly people crossing.

Dale suggested on the letters page last week that this particular sign be renamed "Beware of pickpockets."

The Ribald Road Signs leaflet rechristens a left turn sign "Boomerang range" and the famous roadworks sign becomes: "Beware: elephants have passed this way."

We reproduce another four here. They should raise a smile, any road.

LEGENDARY Evening Press reporter John Richardson may be retired, but his journalistic eye is as keen as ever.

He sent in this contribution to the Diary. "Former Lord Mayor and enthusiastic Labour journeyman David Wilde is a York councillor who puts his heart and soles in to local Government.

"He rides a bike.

"Around his Hull Road ward and beyond, and backwards and forwards to meetings. In short, in this cycle-friendly city of ours, he is a rare push-bike politician prepared to practice what his party preaches.

"His trouser clips are an essential part of his civic philosophy plus a healthy outlook and rosy disposition.

"For that, according to the latest schedule of members' pay and expenses, he can claim a monthly allowance of £7.

"The regulations allows this handsome bicycle bounty where two wheels are a councillor's 'normal mode of transport to meetings etc'.

"Even if he takes the pretty route or goes the long way round to avoid the traffic, he still claims the same.

"Hardly enough, heaven forbid it happens, to mend a puncture.

"Compare that with a stylish councillor who decides to drive a car exceeding 1199cc (the engine does not put him in the cocktail-cabinet-in-the-back bracket) who can claim 48.5p a mile.

"Not a gas-guzzler, but tot it up and if I were David, I should think about a driving test, if that's the problem.

"Failing that I should have a look at the subsistence allowances and the claims that can be made for various meals.

"If it takes you longer on a bike, claim a tea."

TWO police workers with 60 years' service between them retired from the force last month, the North Yorkshire Police News reported.

They invited "friends and colleagues past and present, to join them at the Black Swan, Thornton-le-Moor, on Thursday, December 18 at 12.30am".

Such an early morning start will have denied the gathered police types their favourite greeting: "Evenin' all".

Updated: 11:00 Friday, January 02, 2004