SEX is being used as a weapon. Women are withholding it to gain control in a relationship, says a survey.

Many females aren't that interested anyway because there isn't enough romance involved.

I can't pretend to be a guru on the subject (tsar maybe, but guru, no) but I do tend to be quite outspoken about it and have very few inhibitions when talking about it.

Let's face it, there's little reason to hold back when you're discussing something as exciting as an episode of Crossroads.

So, here's my opinion of the survey by, bizarrely, Good Housekeeping magazine, which I always though was more about getting steamed up over a hot Aga than a hot hubby.

The opinions are based on a huge amount of in-depth research among my 30-and 40-something friends, all of whom make Samantha from Sex And The City look like a Carmelite nun.

The first bit, about sex being a weapon, with women punishing their partners because they are angry with them, or want them to tow the line, is totally untrue.

Women don't think like that.

If a man irritates a woman she is not going to wait until the last thing at night to express her annoyance. She is more likely to scream and shout at him when the incident occurred. If she is unusual enough to have sufficient willpower not to blow up at the time, she will almost certainly take it out on him in other ways.

A woman is more likely to 'punish' a man by withholding the TV remote control rather than any sexual favours. Or to really invoke punishment for a major 'crime' (forgetting to switch the kitchen light off before coming to bed or dropping boxer shorts on the floor in front of laundry basket), she might insist on watching a Channel 4 documentary on the history of the Incas when a 'vital' (aren't they all?) football match is on the telly.

If we really wanted to use sex as a weapon we would choose our nightwear with the utmost care, donning only the sexiest of negligees. We would wash our hair, rub on a bit of lip gloss and dab a bit of perfume behind our ears. Then, after sliding seductively into bed beside our man, we would stick on the light and settle down to read The Female Eunuch - from start to finish.

The second conclusion of the research - about the romance, or lack of it - is 100 per cent true. Women want to be wanted, we need to be needed, and above all we want our partners to show that they appreciate us hook, line and sinker.

That means not only giving us the occasional bunch of flowers - I only ever get them from my husband if I'm in hospital - but making us feel attractive, desirable and loved.

It can be about the most trivial of things, such as the other night when my husband made spaghetti bolognese. He knows that I love it with garlic bread, but he couldn't be bothered to go to the freezer to get one out.

Don't get me wrong, our sex life isn't reliant on garlic bread, but that night it was a weapon of sorts. It all boils down to feeling you are being taken for granted.

Men and women have whole armouries of weapons and every night produces a different one. Tonight I may or may not remember to iron a shirt for my husband to wear for work tomorrow. And he may or may not leave the toilet seat up.

Updated: 08:48 Tuesday, July 13, 2004