As the top ten fashion blunders of all time are announced, JO HAYWOOD wonders what sartorial stinkers are lurking in our wardrobes today.

SHELL suits were designed by the devil. That is the only plausible explanation why so many millions of people started parading around in these nasty nylon creations in the 1980s.

Why else would we have worn them if not under pain of death at the hands of the Prince of Darkness? It couldn't possibly be that we thought they looked good. Heaven forbid.

Whatever our motives were then (oh come on, we're all friends here, you don't have to pretend you didn't buy one), the tide has turned now.

Shell suits have been crowned the nation's worst style crime in a poll for the BBC's What To Wear magazine, narrowly beating the likes of puffball skirts, white stilettos and shoulder pads.

Marie Neal-Smith, a fashion tutor at York College, admitted that she was once a fan of the puffball.

"After graduation from Bretton Hall College, we all wore them with Doc Martens, over-the-knee socks and corsets," she said, cringing with embarrassment. "I look at photographs of my taller, slimmer friends and can see that they just about pulled it off. Then I look at me and think 'oh... my... God'."

She condemned shell suits as "nasty things made of nasty material", but said she would replace them at number one with dreaded dungarees.

"They don't look good on anyone, but they look particularly bad on men," said Marie. "There's something a bit children's television presenter about them. And, I have to say it, something a bit pervy."

It seems we just can't let go of these terrible 80s fashion throwbacks, however. We have welcomed back leggings again and again, teamed more recently with leg-warmers (again) and ridiculous "comedy" earrings, egged on by the likes of Chanel which produced a range of dangly, mini cassette tape earrings this spring.

Marie believes they should all be dumped on the rubbish tip of style, clearly marked "not for recycling" - all, that is, except shoulder pads.

"I would replace them on the top ten with leather trousers," she said. "Shoulder pads can be useful but, if you are not on a motorbike, leather trousers have no fashion function at all.

"Some women think they have got a Girl on a Motorcycle sexy thing going on, but that only works if you are Marianne Faithfull."

Personal shopper and style guru Gail Little who, along with her business partner Belinda Alexander, is one half of North Yorkshire's answer to Trinny and Susannah, agree shoulder pads should not have made the top ten.

"Soft shoulder pads can be a real asset," she said. "They soften the shoulder area and can give you a much better line.

"They were a fashion statement in the 1980s - the bigger the better - but now they are actually a very useful style tool."

Gail agreed with the remainder of the fashion faux pas top ten, saving her most withering comments for shell suits and puffballs.

"Shell suits were horrendous," she said. "I blame footballers and other sportsmen for promoting them, but people only have themselves to blame for buying them.

"And puffball skirts only had one positive quality and that was that they hid huge bottoms."

These are the fashion crimes of our past, but what stinkers are we storing up for the future? Gail and Belinda put their exceedingly stylish heads together and came up with these current trends that they think we might just live to regret.

Round-toed shoes. "They are the most unflattering shoe you can buy. They make your feet look short and stumpy, when what you want is for them to look slim and elongated."

Bare midriffs. "This is something we would banish like a shot, especially if the midriff in question is a bit flabby. If you are super-model thin and tall you can get away with it, but this is not a look for going shopping in town on a Saturday afternoon with your mum. We really don't like to see very young girls sporting this look as it makes them look tarty. What are their parents thinking?"

Micro mini-skirts. "Again, exceptionally short skirts are fine if you have a super-model figure. If you have big legs or are on the short side, however, it's just not on."

Body piercing and tattoos. "For us, these are the biggest style crimes. People are seriously going to regret them in the future. Young girls having them done now will reach 30 or 40 and wonder what on earth they were thinking. They won't be able to wear a strappy dress because of this great monstrosity on their neck, back or shoulder."

Top ten fashion faux pas

1 Shell suits

2 Puffball skirts

3 Leggings

4 White stilettos

5 Bodies with poppers

6 Shoulder pads

7 String vests

8 Stonewash jeans

9 Dungarees

10 Jumpsuits

Updated: 09:11 Tuesday, July 13, 2004