TOMB Raiders Of The Lost Park are chipping away at a priceless piece of York's past.

If there's enough of it left, Dick Turpin will be turning in his grave at the thought of tourism terrorists who have taken a chisel to his headstone in the quiet St George's Churchyard to steal a memento-sized chunk.

It is a worrying trend. We must keep an eye on York Minster. If it suddenly starts shrinking we'll know it is under attack from the souvenir hunters.

If Clifford's Tower downsizes stone by stone from a pork pie on a hill to a vol-au-vent on a sandcastle; Fairfax House becomes a bijou Fairfax Cottage and Lendal Bridge is reduced to stepping stones, we'll know why.

Mind you, the vandal visitors cannot be held solely responsible for thinking it is a free for all. City planners have also indulged and allowed far too many of York's old buildings to be chipped away by bulldozers to make way for flats in recent years. Now we know how the Egyptians must have felt when our archaeologists came home with the pyramids in their pockets.

By the way, guess who was our informant about this alarming new tourism development. Why, none other than the real Dick Turpin, predecessor columnist to The Diary. Good old Dick.

DESPERATE situations demand desperate measures. So shoplifters watch out if you are thinking of flexing your sticky fingers in one Selby discount store.

Anyone who dares enter the portals of L.A. Trading in New Lane cannot fail to notice the terrifying array of warnings to would-be thieves.

"New policy - no stealing," says one sign. "Shoplifters will be beaten, stabbed, and stomped. Survivors will be prosecuted," says another. And finally: "Shoplifters Beware! Not only will you get a free ride in a police car, you will also be prosecuted. This we promise you."

So have they had a problem with, er, shoplifters then?

"We did when we first opened," said the smiling lady behind the theft-proof till, adjusting her bullet-proof vest. "Just lately, though, it has been a lot better. Perhaps we are frightening them off." Not half. The Diary is still trembling in terror.

A dedicated jogger out running the other day spotted a sign outside The Walnut Tree pub in Heworth Village advertising a "pensioners carvery". What have the old dears done to deserve this, we wonder?

Because our keep-fit enthusiast is not the youngest person in the universe, he decided to keep on running.

Updated: 09:16 Wednesday, August 18, 2004