Struggling to come to terms with metrication? Can't visualise a pound of sprouts in kilograms, or work out how many centimetres in a foot?

Never fear, John Hobson has come to the rescue. The Dringhouses pensioner laments the passing of our imperial system after it has served us so well for a millennium or more.

He reckons a cloth bag of dried peas as a standard weight had a charm the unromantic kilo lacks.

He contacted The Diary after reading our colleague Bill Hearld's column on the dreaded erosion of good, old British weights and measures.

John thinks it is a shame that our inbuilt measurements - eg an inch was an average thumb width, a yard was the distance from your nose to the tip of your middle finger along an outstretched arm - will not survive because they are not precise enough, given that some people are bigger than others (mine of information, this man).

So for those who struggle with the conversions to metric he has come up with the following little ditties:

A metre measures three foot three - it's longer than a yard you see

A litre of water's - one pint and three quarters

Two and a quarter pounds of jam - weigh about the same as a kilogram.

And if all else fails, there's always Hobson's other choice: look in your diary, there's bound to be a page of metric conversions.

THE transition from York schoolgirl to James Bond's ruthless boss means Dame Judi Dench is no pushover.

But just how the multi-award-winning actress ended up in a sci-fi movie playing opposite screen tough guy Vin Diesel was a masterpiece of the Chinese drip-drip water torture.

Miss Dench, long known for her charming roles in domestic sit-coms, plays an alien ambassador in the futuristic The Chronicles Of Riddick.

The film's director David Twohy says convincing her to sign up was the result of a concerted push by him and his action-fuelled hero, Diesel.

"We tag teamed her," says Twohy. "Vin would send her flowers and I would go to London and stop by her show, The Breath Of Life, in which she co-starred with Maggie Smith, and have a glass of champagne afterwards."

Dame Judi, much taken with the film's special effects, asked the director: "Can you make me taller?"

WHILE Dalby Forest near Pickering must be applauded for giving cyclists a veritable web of cycle tracks, perhaps someone should tell them a bit about cyclists' needs. A complainant to The Diary says that, for instance, a few bike stands would be useful at the Dalby Forest Visitor Centre, which has none.

Come on. Where's your pioneering spirit? What's wrong with leaning your pedal against a tree stump?

Or would you prefer the clinical uniformity of Europe's only multi-storey skyscraper bicycle racks outside Amsterdam's main rail station?

AT this rate, those popsinginghornbeepinghappyclappy cabbies from Ace Taxis in York will soon be top of the pops with their hit single, I'm So Happy At Ace.

The Diary announced to the universe this week that the Ace drivers were so contented in their work, they had recorded a jolly song all about it.

They are even happier. It seems that since the CD was re-issued in 2002, they have sold a chart-storming 600 copies.

So delighted were they with our write-up, they even sent us a free copy of the recording.

Surely, we didn't deserve that.

Updated: 09:56 Friday, August 27, 2004