My normally self-confident fellow columnist Bill Hearld went all insecure on us yesterday by fretting over the male of the species and their predicted demise.

He seemed to have had the wind put up him by some scientists who reckon male DNA is gradually on the way out.

The information made him suspect that female skulduggery was at the bottom of it. Cherchez la femme and all that.

As a woman, allow me to intervene.

I should like to reassure Bill, and any other worriers out there, that men don't need to trouble their little heads about extinction at all.

We women know very well that men are irreplaceable, and since Bill couldn't come up with any practical uses for his kind, I hope the sisterhood will forgive me for taking him into our confidence.

Put it this way. What sensible female would ever surrender her nice, toasty warm back to defrost the icy feet of her cold-blooded bed partner?

Or stand wheezing over a barbecue, eyes streaming in the teeth of Hurricane Ivan, when all reasonable people have long since retreated from the sodden garden in favour of a chinwag in a nice warm house?

Who else would go with us to stop Swiss Tony and his mates from ripping us off down at the used car showroom?

And what woman would be chump enough to run and fetch for us because she believed the most blatant pack of fibs about her bravery, intelligence, strength, and general superiority over the rest of the world?

No, we women wouldn't be without our menfolk, but we do know that they worry, and sometimes it's hard not to tease.

Take girl talk, for example.

Women are born with the instinctive knowledge that men would love to snoop on our lunch conversations, or be a fly on the wall when we nip to the ladies for a little light synchronised nose-powdering.

That's what made us so fond of whispering in corners in the first place.

But men need not fear that in these high-powered talks, we are plotting to get rid of them, to phase them out as an entire gender.

No, we are usually too deeply engaged in discussing the relative merits of Chanel Number 5 and Boots Number 7 for any of that kind of talk.

But rest assured, on those rare occasions when we do debate getting rid of men, we always have certain, specific individuals in mind.

And as for the theory that men will always have a place as target practice at certain times of the month... well, I'm not so sure about that, either.

I've never been a believer in the concept of PMT. It's not that I don't think females are capable of being moody, whinging, tearful, and vindictive every now and then.

It simply seems such a shame for us to have to confine such behaviour to just one week in every month.

What does puzzle me, as a matter of fact, is that men have never, apparently, sat down to draw up a master plan for the obliteration of the fairer sex.

They certainly seem to have plenty to moan about whenever the subject of women gets raised, but to the best my knowledge we are still here, and no scientist is predicting that will change.

All I can think is that men must need us, for one reason or another.

Updated: 11:14 Wednesday, September 15, 2004