WOE is the Diary. The growing movement we are now calling the Honorary Organisation to Realise Republican Ascot - or HORRA - has suffered a devastating blow.

Our campaign to stage an alternative event to Royal Ascot for those of us of a royal-phobic persuasion was set for a good week.

Already boosted by the expected recruitment of Nicholas Witchell, we are sure many more will come on board after Charles and Camilla tie the knot on Saturday.

Now the bad news. The people's choice to be figurehead of Republican Ascot has turned us down. Writer, actor and dame supreme Berwick Kaler was the man we wanted. Fresh from his recent unscheduled appearance in a hospital drama, Berwick was the favourite of readers to lead the non-royal procession during our unique event.

The great man was honoured by his nomination, but politely declined. "I asked the Queen to stay at my house but she refused," he revealed. "I have been snubbed. She wasn't willing to pay the £40 a week."

Despite that, Berwick cannot sign up to the HORRA story. He is planning to be elsewhere for the Ascot festivities. "I am praying I won't have to come into York city centre that week. Hopefully I shall be away filming."

SO who should be our Queen? Over to John William "Willy" Jeffery, 76, of Chaucer Street, York

"It should be Margaret Lawson," he told the Diary. His reason for nominating the Evening Press lady of letters: "She's a good lass. And I know her old man, John."

Alternatively, Mr Jeffery put forward the redoubtable Ida Mary Goodrick, already the unofficial queen of Tadcaster.

Graham Horne of Bishopthorpe comes through with a contribution to the HORRA cause. "You should make a clarion call to people of a republican persuasion; something in St Helen's Square, or the steps of the Guildhall.

"It should say York has ceded British rule and has set up as a city state republic." He envisages York passports and money, and street parties to celebrate.

"We could call up Steve Galloway. I am sure the city would elect him president."

TRANSPORT supremo Ann Reid's belief that car ports are naff, as exclusively revealed in last week's Diary, brings support from the Green Party's Andy D'Agorne.

"Speaking as a member of the planning committee, I do think car ports tend to be naff," he says. "They represent the modern equivalent of the church altar on which the infernal combustion engine is to be honoured and groomed, ready for its next trip to nightclub, supermarket or outing to 'the countryside'.

"However, car ports are preferable to the other creeping fashion of turning the whole front garden into a car park, in the process depriving blackbirds of their worms and parking wardens of their prey, not to mention increasing the volume of rainwater quickly rushing into our drains and rivers!"

OUR last visit to lostgloves.co.uk for now brings this sad story from York webmistress Annie Johnson.

She picked up a baby's green mitten "found on the Shambles at 15.02 on October 10, 2004," and put it in her carrier bag "which also had a sack of compost in it.

"When I got home, I took the sack of compost out of the carrier bag and threw the bag away, forgetting about the little mitten in the bottom.

"By the time I realised, the binmen had already been."

Annie had only one word in response to this mini-tragedy. "Gutted."

Updated: 09:04 Tuesday, April 05, 2005