JO HAYWOOD talks to two York mums who believe people with learning difficulties don't have to lead difficult lives.

TOM is too busy to talk. He has things to do, people to see and deals to make. Tim can spare an hour or so but, quite frankly, he has better things to do.

They sound like typical twenty-somethings, and in many respects they are. But Tom and Tim have learning difficulties, which means they don't always have the luxury that ordinariness brings.

"All we want is for them to live ordinary lives," says Tom's mum Alison Cowen over a coffee with Barbara Milner, whose son, Tim, is playing computer games to keep boredom at bay.

"We're not asking for them to be given special treatment, we just want them to have the same opportunities as everyone else."

And it is not just their own boys they are hoping to help. Alison and Barbara have organised a week-long course in York next month aimed at bringing together parents of children with learning difficulties and service providers.

The Planning With People course, which runs from May 16-20 at the Priory Street Centre, is free to carers from York, Selby and Easingwold.

"It's about listening to people with learning difficulties, finding out what they really want in life and helping them to make it happen," said Alison.

"It's about raising expectations, living independently, having a job, travelling on public transport and enjoying an active social life. In other words, it's about everyday life."

Despite Tom's learning difficulties, she always knew he had a great deal of potential. But it's easy to get sucked into the system, where people who don't neatly fit the norm are often sidelined.

Alison realised things had to change when her son, now 27, found himself working on what was, in effect, a production line of repetitive, menial tasks.

"It was cruel," she said. "Here was a bright, energetic young man being slotted into a service that didn't suit him. That was a time of real despair."

Life changed for Tom when he left home. It was a difficult decision, but his family knew he was ready, even if he was unsure.

He went to the Pennine School in Wakefield, a Steiner school offering vocational training in a friendly, homely environment. Tom discovered a passion for gardening and gained an NVQ in horticulture. Perhaps more importantly, however, he discovered a passion for life.

"It was the making of him," said Alison. "He was his own person for the first time and he liked it."

Things have not always run completely smoothly though.

After leaving school he was offered an unsuitable placement in York which he refused, and an equally unsuitable one in Dewsbury which, unfortunately, he accepted.

"There is this strange assumption that just because a group of people have learning difficulties they will automatically get on," explained Alison. "That's like saying just because a group of people wear glasses or have red hair they will get on.

"The Dewsbury placement didn't work out because Tom was thrust into an unsuitable group.

"People with learning difficulties are individuals, they can't be herded together and expected to make the most of it."

A visit to a South African school last year gave Tom a new goal in life: to raise money for much-needed musical and sports equipment.

Now he runs his own fair trade business, selling fairly traded products like coffee and tea to offices in York, with profits going towards the school.

He has achieved his ambition by opting out of the system and claiming direct payments instead - an idea at the core of Planning With People.

"It's a very small scale business - a micro enterprise - but he loves it," said Alison. "Direct payments have changed his life. They have enabled him to employ a personal assistant to support him and have taken him out of a system that wasn't working for him.

"Our aim with the course is to make people aware of direct payments and give them the confidence to make a change for the better. Change can be frightening, but it can work."

Barbara has also applied for direct payments for Tim, 23, so he can move closer to achieving his goal of working on a farm.

"When he was little I couldn't see that there was a future for him," she said. "Now I know that Tim can do whatever he wants. We just have to plan carefully and be realistic."

That is where the course comes in. Planning With People aims to help parents to set out in black and white the small, manageable steps needed for their children to achieve their goals.

This might involve utilising current local services or opting for direct payments so they can become their own service provider.

"We don't want to get in the way of the professionals. We want to work with them," said Alison. "They are experts through training, but we are experts through experience. We are also in this for the long haul."

The Government's Valuing People white paper means the balance of power is changing. People with learning difficulties no longer have to make do with what is available. They now have choices to make.

"Not all dreams are possible, but you can usually come pretty close," said Barbara.

"The course is about building confidence in our children, but it's also about building our own confidence so we can let them go off and do their own thing."

Tom is now so busy doing his own thing that he has no time to talk. And Tim can't wait to get cracking too.

In fact, he has already started his bid for independence in typical twenty-something style.

"I like going to the pub," he said, with a distinct twinkle in his eye. "I can have a pint and get away from my mum."

Boys will be boys.

If you would like to know more about Planning With People, phone Alison Cowen on 01904 330606 or Barbara Milner on 01904 410402.

Updated: 09:21 Tuesday, April 12, 2005