You've joined us with the pressure mounting on the high street just seconds before the start of the Grand National Housewives' Chase.

The silks are clean and the hours of pampering at Cut 'n' Groom have attracted some not-unpleasantly raised eyebrows.

But this is where all the hours of draining dishes are traded in for a shot at a free night at the bing... and they're off!

They're all over the front door step safely but - no! Cold feet have caught Royal Iris out and she is out of the chase at literally the first hurdle.

Down the path they go, the youngsters racing to the front as the old hands bide their time onto the pavement and ... over the cracked-paving where Jackie High and Shotgun Bride catch their shoes and make like Naomi Campbell.

Ballycassie hits the front now from First Golddigger with Silver Witch, Cornish Ethel and Haughty Gran gossiping at the back with plenty of time to see the awkward speedhump outside Becher's Cafe and adjust but... oh there's four down after turning a blind eye - a mistake they will all live to regret, especially the infamous Hedge Cutter who's only just back on her feet after a hip replacement.

Round the canal turn by the Post Office they go, still keeping it steady with the favourite Amber-Leigh Castle staying clear of trouble on the outside with Jo Sedge, winner of the 2002 WI jam rosette.

Ballycassie is dropping off the pace after getting a text and ... she's gone! Gone in a flurry of spruce over the tenth mid-text and Shouted Secrets has gone down with her.

Five slip up over the badly-placed street bench leaving First Golddigger rolling around in all sorts of trouble with what looks like a broken nail - and Silver Witch has come in for a real soaking at the water jump having left her rain hood behind. And I have to say the blue rinse looks in serious bother.

There's an audible sigh of relief at the half-way point - but some real trepidation at being seen in the betting shop has led to Lady Illusion pulling up at another Becher's Cafe to ask her husband to go instead.

A steady line is forming now with Royal Aunt Clair at the front but there's some indecision about whether or not to bet each way and - she's missed the turn! Can you believe it?!

Just six to go now and it's between Amber-Leigh Castle and Cornish Ethel. And Haughty Gran is surging up the field! Haughty Gran is closing the gap, using the elbow for maximum advantage, and she's bearing down on Cornish Ethel over her leylandii. Amber-Leigh Castle is asking questions but it's Haughty Gran raising her handbag and ... Haughty Gran wins the Housewives' Chase!

The one race she looks forward to, the one race she goes for - and she's outdone all the experts! Don't you just love it.