"To watch this happening to your child is heartbreaking" - York mum speaks out as Anti-Bullying Week begins

JEN* was bullied at secondary school for being overweight and ended up anorexic. Now in her 40s, this York mum still bears the scars .

"The physical scars heal but the mental and emotional scars stick with people. Here I am in my 40s, but still harping on about what happened to me when I was 11. I am still dealing with the issues around it. I am still very self deprecating and critical of myself. I always feel I am not good enough."

Sadly, she is now watching her son Tom* (names have been changed to protect their identity) go through the same ordeal. The 15-year-old has been bullied by the same gang since primary school. Now studying for GCSEs, his day to day life is still blighted by constant teasing, name calling and harassment. And it's not just limited to school. He is picked on too through social media. Recently, he has begun self harming and fasting, and Jen is worried about his mental health.

She says although the school has anti-bullying policies, it has been ineffective in sorting out Tom's situation.

"The school don't seem to take it seriously. I feel like a fussy mother." She says her child copes by presenting a hard veneer at school. "He makes out he is as hard as nails so no-one comes near him, but inside he's just a gooey mess. He is tired, emotionally and physically."

NO ESCAPE: Social media allows bullying to go on 24/7

Jen is right to be worried about her teen's mental health. New research has found that younger people who are bullied in their childhood are more likely to use mental health services long into adulthood, compared to those who weren’t bullied.

And authors of the study by the London School of Economics and Political Science (LSE) and King’s College London strongly recommend that more is done to prevent bullying in childhood, to limit both individual distress and save thousands of pounds in healthcare over the course of a person’s life.

Lead researcher Dr Sara Evans-Lacko said: “Anti-bullying initiatives are relatively inexpensive, estimated at £15.50 per pupil per year, and offer good value for money. Given the current tremendous strain on the health system, policies and practices to prevent bullying should be a high priority.”

Jen believes schools need to do more to enforce a zero tolerance attitude to bullying. "Bullying will always go on, but we need to draw a line and say, it will not be tolerated – children need to find other ways to express themselves."

The education authority says York schools are required to have policies in place to deal with bullying and poor behaviour. Maxine Squire, assistant head at City of York Council, said: "These should be clear to parents, pupils and staff so that, when incidents occur, they are dealt with quickly and effectively. "We recognise that schools themselves are best placed to decide how to respond to particular issues that affect their pupils and that there is no single solution to bullying which will suit all schools.

"So, schools in York employ a wide range of strategies to encourage positive behaviour and prevent bullying and Ofsted inspections of schools in York frequently comment on the effectiveness of the approaches used to tackle bullying.

"We encourage schools to create an environment and ethos of mutual respect in which the whole school knows that this is the right way to behave."

This week the Anti-Bullying Alliance is running a campaign called Power For Good to shine a spotlight on bullying and encourage children, teachers and parents to take action against it.

The organisation also recruits anti-bullying ambassadors, training volunteers in the skills, knowledge and confidence to introduce activities and campaigns to help stop bullying. To date, the programme has trained more than 14,000 young people in the role.

DESPAIR: Bullying can lead to mental health problems later in life

Bullying can not only affect a child's mental health, but their school work too. Luckily, Tom is sticking in at school and on target to achieve good GCSEs, but he has a high sickness record and Jen is convinced many of his ailments are psychosomatic, brought on by fear and stress. "I think sometimes, he thinks he can't face it today.

"To watch this happening to your child is heartbreaking. You want to squirrel them away and wrap them in cotton wool – but them you are not preparing them for real life."

Becky Nicholson works for the charity Red Balloon, which works with pupils who have stopped going to school because of bullying but want to continue their education. The charity offers online teaching as well as counselling and mentoring to enable them to carry on with their education.

The charity has been operating for 20 years in the south of England, but is now taking cases in the North and elsewhere. York-based Becky is currently working with a teenager in Harrogate.

She said: "Around 16,000 children self exclude from school and the main reasons are mental illness and bullying – although often bullying leads to mental illness. Many of these children are being cared for at home on an ad hoc basis, some have just fallen off the radar.

"We offer a holistic support programme where we deal with the psychological issues as well as education."

Tips from the Anti-Bullying Alliance

• If you are being bullied it's important that you tell someone you trust. If you feel you can, talk to a teacher you trust or a family member. If you don’t want to do that you can always call Childline 0800 11 11 or visit childline.org.uk
• Write down what happened, when it happened, and who was involved. If the bullying is online, keep the evidence – save or copy any photos, videos, texts, e-mails or posts.
• It can be tempting if you are being bullied to take revenge – for example to send a horrible message back to someone; to try and embarrass and hurt the other person, or to fight back. This is not a good idea – you might end up getting in trouble or get yourself even more hurt.
• Think about other ways you can respond to bullying. For example, practice saying ‘I don’t like it when you say that/do that – stop.' Think about other people who can help you if you are being bullied – this could be other classmates, or a teacher.
• Only spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. If someone constantly puts you down they are not a real friend/ boyfriend/ girlfriend and not worth your time.
• Be kind to yourself, and do things that make you feel good, relax and make new friends. You might make music; write lyrics; draw cartoons; dance; act or join a sports club. This is your life so make sure it’s the best life possible – don’t let anyone bring you down.

Find out more:

Anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk – lots of tips and advice for children, parents and teachers on bullying as well as resources to tackle the issue in schools

Red Balloon: redballoonlearner.org