That St Valentine has an awful lot to answer for.

To be fair, he has very little to do with the whole roses are red deal. But there's a certain something about curing the blind daughter of your jailer (who just happens to be the love of your life), then signing a goodbye note 'From your Valentine' on your way to getting up close and personal with an executioner's blade that sort of sticks.

But if it slips your mind come February 14, ie Tuesday - or worse, you make a complete mess of it - then there will be trouble ahead.

So here's a few tips.

If you've always wanted to introduce your beloved to the charm of KitKat Crescent/ the Riverside/ Flaxley Road well, I'd wait a bit longer.

And no matter how understanding she is, 'the seats are all red, the away kit is blue, Billy is great and you are too' is not going to be getting you any special favours - unless she has a sensational sense of humour, in which case she'll have already used your season ticket to make a home-made card with letters cut out, ransom note-style. And will heartily expect you to see the funny side.

Consider yourself warned.

So... what do you do instead?

To the men: Do not under any circumstances buy lingerie from your team shop. Please.

You see, Valentine's Day is actually about being selfless. So don't buy something you're going to get the most pleasure out of.

Instead, offer to give up a match and use the time to treat your football/rugby/golf widow to a shopping trip, massage or walk in the country.

She will be so bowled over she may even let you go to the game anyway.

Don't get me wrong, if she's Alan Shearer's world's biggest fan, by all means get tickets for St James' Park (leaving the lads in the bar) or buy a signed programme off eBay. Throw in some pink heart-shaped smellies and a cute card with a personal message and you are onto a winner.

For the women: Your other half is sports mad and you're not. In fact, you have already sent in three Big Brother audition tapes so you miss this summer's World Cup and are working on a fourth.

For Valentine's Day, don't buy him anything you would like. Go to the club shop of his favourite team (please get it right) and buy yourself a team shirt - ladies fit or large boys. If you're feeling adventurous, get his petname on the back.

Wear on Valentine's Day. Simple, but he'll know you really love him.

For those looking for a dramatic proposal opportunity, get along to the Sheffield Eagles v York City Knights match on Friday. One lucky pair will not only be saying 'I do' but will also receive VIP tickets for the match. Email love2be@sheffieldeagles.com for details.

And if you're single, go to the night match and enjoy.

Updated: 10:21 Saturday, February 11, 2006