THAT'S it, then. The special relationship is over. The Anglo-American alliance, which survived everything from an illegal war to Ruby Wax, has been blown apart by an act of unforgivable disrespect.

We cannot be sure how the organisers of the Golden Globe film awards dropped their gilded ball so badly. It had all gone swimmingly until the envelope was opened.

Dame Judi Dench on the shortlist for a best actress award - check; Dame Judi in place on the night, ready to give a witty, self-effacing acceptance speech - check; Dame Judi wins award... No!! (Cut to pictures of hysterical luvvies fainting).

With breathtaking disregard for official protocol, she was overlooked and the gong given to another so-called film star (Reese Witherspoon. Whoever he is).

You could hear a pin drop. Which is just as well, because it allowed the security forces to pop it back into the grenade Dame J had regally rolled towards the podium.

We can only hope the organisers of the Oscars are forcefully reminded that York's very own superstar always - but always, capisce? - wins something. That is why she is the proud owner of 112 Baftas, seven Grammys and a year's supply of cat food.

BY coincidence, the Diary has just been reading about the moment when our Judi got her biggest prize to date. It is recalled in Untold Stories, the memoirs of another beloved Yorkshire dame, Alan Bennett.

He was performing at the National Theatre in London at the same time as herself was starring there in Antony And Cleopatra. "They had one unscheduled laugh one night," writes Bennett, "as it was while she was giving her Cleopatra she was made a dame.

"On the evening in question Michael Bryant, playing Enobarbus, turned upstage and muttered en passant, 'Well, I suppose a f***'s quite out of the question now'."

This remark, the author notes, was heard by the first ten rows.

YESTERDAY we suggested that the Stagecoach Youth Theatre funding row be turned into a musical. Today we have found our composer.

On the letters page musician and York councillor Christian Vassie berates his fellow artistes (including - gasp - Dame JD) for not giving cash to the theatrical cause.

So we are confident that Christian, who has written the soundtracks for various telly documentaries, would be ready to pen a blockbuster score to rival Oliver! or We Will Rock You.

The Diary is ready to provide some hum-dinging lyrics, just as soon as we can secure a decent rhyme for Stagecoach. Cockroach... Ken Loach... eggs poached...

THE Kiteman, alias Malcolm Goodman from Middleton in Tees, will be advocating the health benefits of kite flying at his York Chinese New Year Festival event tomorrow afternoon at Rawcliffe Country Park, Shipton Road, York.

"When you fly a kite, you're looking at a distant object, so that keeps the eyes in good order, and when you look up to the sky, you find your mouth opens slightly and that gets rid of excess heat, which keeps your yin and yang balanced," he says.

Malcolm will be flying a 100 metre-long Chinese dragon kite between 1pm to 3pm, and all kite enthusiasts are welcome to fly their own too.

Updated: 10:58 Friday, January 20, 2006