SNUBBED by the Jorvik Viking Centre, spurned by Clifford's Tower - what's York got against the Baddest Man On The Planet?

Quite how either attraction plans to stop Mike Tyson paying them a visit next week is not clear. Perhaps a crack English Heritage SWAT team will descend on the former boxing champ the moment he sets foot on the castle steps, before York archaeologists see him off with those foam swords they sell in the Jorvik gift shop.

At this rate of refusal, however, all the city's most famous attractions will be closed to Iron Mike by the time he turns up next week. All he'll have left is the doll's house shop in Fossgate and an Eddie Brown coach excursion to Helmsley market.

So the Diary, always happy to help, has come up with an alternative tour which might suit Brooklyn's bash street kid.

First stop: the Psychic Museum, Stonegate. With a bit of luck the museum's co-founder Uri Geller might be there. A chance for Mike to discuss Uri's website, which includes the headline: "Lennox Lewis does it again. Did he use Uri's Mindpower?" above a report of Lewis's destruction of Tyson.

Next, to the Barbican Centre. Once home to some exciting boxing bouts - York's own champion Henry Wharton fought here seven times - its glories, like Tyson's, are sadly in the past.

Lunch, and where else but the Punch Bowl? Alas, the menu does not include earlobe or leg of boxer. But we remember how Tyson told a press conference before the Lennox bout that "I wanna eat his children". And it does serve kids.

After a quick trip to Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma-Gate, the party sets off to Fourth Avenue, for the long-awaited meeting between Tyson and barber Terry "I could beat him with my eyes closed" Smith. Seconds out...

A ROW over the use and abuse of disabled parking bays on our letters page prompts an email from Chris Wood.

"Perhaps the participants would be happy to learn about the Sage, Gateshead, where a selection of clearly indicated disabled bays have been created in the car park and, most considerately, positioned closest to the entrance," he writes. "Which, ahem, can only be reached by climbing up a long flight of steps..."

AN unusual book lands on the Diary's desk. Welcome To Britain: A Celebration Of Real Life (Headline, £9.99) is filled with odd snapshots of Britain that you will never find in any tourist guides.

There are several pictures of York, including one of an Evening Press billboard bearing the headline "York Burglar's Wheelchair Dash".

But this is our favourite. It was a boringly familiar corner of the city, but we will never look at it without smiling again.

Updated: 09:23 Wednesday, November 16, 2005