NOT sure where you are going in life? Worried that you're lost and confused?

A set of signs like these could help in York city centre. Instead of pointing to the main tourist attractions they would set you on the path to Material Addiction, Affective Disorder or Social Isolation.

Another group of signs direct you to Somewhere, Nowhere, Right Way or Wrong Way. Then there's This Way To Romance , and To The Real .

They are the brainchild of York artist Graham Martin. He says the signs, created with the financial support of the Arts Council, have been well received by visitors to Cartwright Hall gallery and gardens in Bradford, where they have been on display since the summer.

They have certainly got people talking. "This little kid said to his sister, 'Let's go Nowhere'," said Graham. Could we see them closer to home? "I would like to see them in York. It's persuading the powers-that-be," he said.

"They would be perfect for Museum Gardens."

His Bradford exhibition also includes hand-drawn maps of his childhood home in Blackpool, and medicine to treat everything from guilt to life in general.

Signposts, Maps And Medicines runs until January 15.

PART time usher at York Minster, Richard Corden, was approached by an American looking for "a 'walk-round' guide in American" last week.

Richard pointed out that, although the Minster does indeed provide walk-round guides, they do not do one in American. But might the visitor like one in English?

"Oh no," replied the American. "You guys don't spell properly."

WHICH is the world's oldest profession?

Nope, not that. According to York star-gazer Jonathan Cainer, its his job that predates all others.

When he wrote horoscopes for the Daily Express, the paper was taken over by Richard Desmond, owner of a pornography empire. To find out more, our Jonathan bought himself a copy of one of Desmond's top shelf magazines.

"I didn't much like having a copy of Readers' Wives knocking around the place," Jonathan told The Independent.

"But having said that, my whole creed is based on open-mindedness. It isn't quite as simple as saying I took a moralistic view about pictures of naked people in suggestive poses.

"It suddenly also occurred to me that the world's oldest profession was probably astrology rather than prostitution."

Might have known someone with the moon in Scorpio would say something like that.

GOT a sick bag handy? Right, here are the top ten pet names used by romantic types in Yorkshire, as discovered by online dating agency Match.com:

1) Honeybunny (16 per cent)

2) Princess (12 per cent)

3) Angel (11 per cent)

4) Babe/baby (ten per cent)

5) Chicken (nine per cent)

6) Monkey (seven per cent)

7) Petal (six per cent)

8) Mr T (three per cent)

9) Pooh (three per cent)

10) Kitten (two per cent).

Updated: 08:46 Tuesday, November 01, 2005