BRITONS are more likely to complain than almost anyone else, research revealed yesterday.

We are even more vociferous than the Americans when it comes to grumbling.

Altogether, 36 per cent of us have spoken out against a company or organisation in the last year, compared to a mere 23 per cent of those bashful Americans.

It seems natural reserve has gone the same was as red telephone boxes, bowler hats and common courtesy on these islands.

Of course we have more than most to complain about. We may be a nation of shopkeepers, but a shocking number of them are surly sellers of shoddy stock.

Sadly, though, even in the moaning league we have failed to reach top spot. That goes to the Swedes, 41 per cent of whom had a beef last year. All those self-assembly Volvos with Ikea dashboards sending them bonkers, we imagine.

So the Diary today launches a campaign to propel Britain to the number one spot in the complainers' club.

Surely if there's one thing left that we can do better than any other nation on earth, it is moan.

Here are some topics to get you started.

Football - not what it was, is it? We remember when you could go down the game on a Saturday - a Saturday mind - have a few pints, watch players with easy to chant names like Nobby and Bobby and Robbie kick lumps out of one another, wee on the trousers of the lad in front of you, eat a pie, have a fight and still have the bus fare to casualty out of a quid.

Driving - not what it was, is it? We remember when you could hare round Coney Street in your old Ford Consul, park in Woolworth's window, drink eight pints of best - none of this binge drinking mind - drive home while asleep at the wheel, knock over a cyclist or two, and the local bobby would do nothing other than lift you out of the front seat and hand you over to the missus.

The weather - not what it was, is it? We remember when it snowed every Christmas Day, yet summer started in March and we spent every day in our knitted swimming trunks - none of these £82 designer shorts favoured by Tony Blair mind - throwing each another into the Ouse, hitting the small kid with the specs around the face with sticks and drowning cats. None of that mindless violence you get with computer games for us.

What's your favourite grumble? Gripes to the usual addresses.

WE have some sort of answer to the question posed by Green councillor Andy D'Agorne in the Diary on Tuesday. He asked why "municipal graffiti" had appeared at Fulford Cross, in the form of spray paint dotted over the paths and verges.

A council official replies: "I'm not aware of any forthcoming major streetworks, which these marks would seem to indicate. The marks you describe may be the utilities marking the line of their service on the ground so that when one of them works they know the approximate locations and have a chance in avoiding damage, injury and loss of service to local residents.

"The paint they use is suppose to be bio-degradable and wear off in a few weeks.

"I am aware a local safety scheme was recently carried out by highway safety so some of the marks may be theirs?" So the mystery is not yet solved. The suspense is almost unbearable.

Updated: 11:25 Thursday, August 25, 2005