Hat parade

Same man... different hats: Lord Mayor of York Derek Smallwood sports a wide and natty line in titfers

TWO days before being installed into one of the highest civic offices in the country, Lord Mayor of York Derek Smallwood was seen entering council offices in white sneakers and baseball cap.

Since then, this tireless, go-getting envoy has been captured on film in virtually every form of headgear imaginable. And it has been noticed. Turpin correspondent Paul Kirkwood of Green Hammerton has noticed.

"I feel it's time you commented on the high exposure factor of our venerable Lord Mayor.

"Barely a day passes without him appearing in your pages - usually in some sort of natty headgear," he writes.

"There can scarcely have been a more accessible, obliging or high-profile ambassador for our city."

Well, today Turpin can exclusively reveal one of the Lord Mayor's most intimate secrets.

He has a special favourite form of headwear. It is made of fur and has flaps which pull down over the ears like something worn by a Russian navvy.

He calls it his "drattin" hat: "I throw it on the floor when I am angry and stamp on it, shouting 'drat, drat, drat'.

It vents a lot of frustrations without me having to resort to swearing," he confessed.

"Everybody takes the mick when I wear it. My wife hates it but it does its job."

WHY IS it that dentists, who make a fortune out of improving people's smiles, are not normally renowned for their humour?

Their often barren waiting rooms are just a warm-up for the torture chambers skulking round the back. But what a refreshing change to walk into the barren waiting room at Stephen Cain's orthodontist practice tucked away in the quiet mews of York's St Saviourgate.

The more observant patient might notice a cleverly-tailored Jorvik Viking centre wall 'plaque'.

The famous helmet logo has been remodelled to include teeth and the plaque is brazenly inscribed "Jawvik".

IT'S driving them mad, but at least it's for a good cause. Punters at the George Hotel in Easingwold are engrossed in a tough quiz to raise money for the town's St Monica's Hospital and Children in Need.

A £1 entry earns them the chance to answer 100 questions for a £10 prize.

It's selling well, but no-one has got all the answers correct yet.

Landlord Michael Riley said: "One customer handed in a completed form, but one answer is wrong."

To judge how hard it is, try to answer these: If 26=L of the A (Letters of the Alphabet) and 100=P in the P (Pennies in the Pound) what is 45=MA for RT or 65000=P(GM)? What about 1144 = AQ to T, or 19 = AA of S in V? Try 49 = P between C and A, or even 6 = W of H the E. Baffled? Do not despair, you're not alone.

CITY of York Council is, we hear, looking to attract a major celebrity for the high profile opening of its plush new old people's flats development at Glen Lodge, Heworth.

Seeking to present a positive image of dynamic old age and smash stereotypes of old men barely able to look after themselves, the council is currently in negotiations with that glowing model of mature manhood, Compo, from television's Last of the Summer Wine.

We hope veteran actor Bill Owen will clean his wellies and darn the holes in his wool cap and jacket before arriving to cut the ribbon.

NORTH Yorkshire Chief Constable David Kenworthy, who dwells in lovely Easingwold, revealed this week some unsettling news that some witnesses of crime had been threatened in the quiet, market town. It led him to warn: "If it can happen in Easingwold, it can happen anywhere."

How apt then, that the next production by the Easingwold Players at the town's Galtres Centre is JB Priestley's thriller An Inspector Calls.

DELAYS and cancellations are daily causes of stress for the modern rail commuter. But spare a thought for the poor Victorians who, once exposed to the joys of train travel, began suffering from a mystery illness which was dubbed Railway Spine.

Symptoms included headaches, back pain, paralysis of the limbs and even personality disorders and affected mainly those who had been involved in a railway accident.

Because there were no obvious physical signs of injury, some eminent surgeons decided the complaint was due to psychological trauma, though some passengers fell victim to the ailment after suffering the bumps and jolts of a high-speed (as much as 29 mph) journey.

Ralph Harrington, a researcher at York University's Institute of Railway Studies, has been investigating Railway Spine and has concluded the sheer terror of railway travel was enough to cause the syndrome and was a form of nervous anxiety in a world speeding up, like ours today.

Nothing changes. But these days the horror of rail travel starts at the ticket window when you find out the cost of the fare.

Some readers may have noticed that Turpin has an aversion to the marketing of Christmas a tad early.

For several weeks now, Monkgate Cloisters has had a Christmas tree in one of its windows.

Goodramgate now has its lights up - although I'm not really complaining because it's nice to see a good show of lights in York at Christmas.

Last Sunday Sainsbury's at Monks Cross was putting up their instore decorations.

But what really takes the biscuit is the complainant to an early morning radio phone-in this week who, on November 1, had carol singers round.

SOURCES say York MP Hugh Bayley spent Guy Fawkes' night with his children for the first time in five years.

There was no vote in the Commons on Thursday evening so the Labour MP dashed back to the city to be with Benjamin, aged 13, and Eleanor, ten.

He was heard to mutter: "For the first time I spent Guy Fawkes with the kids. It is not safe in the House of Commons."

He also stressed that Guy Fawkes, who came from York and was a pupil at St Peter's School, had been betrayed by his fellow conspirators.

"He was framed by aristocrats," said Mr Bayley.

Is that really you?

WOULD it be sheer, monstrous coincidence or are we dealing with a hoaxster? If it's the former, Turpin is in serious trouble because he's just written back to Mr E B Racum accusing him of being a fraud.

Eboracum, the Roman name for York, get it? Did he also write to the paper in St Albans under the pseudonym V R Lamium? Odd thing is that Mr 'Racum' wrote from a London address this week asking for information about the Evening Press Letters to the Editor column in the 1950s.

There was nothing hoaxy about his request, so why the odd name?

Unless, no it can't be, the name is...true. Turpin checked him out in the phone book - no listing. We await the good man's reply with interest.

07/11/98

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.