It was a script straight out of Carry On Shopping. A microphone wouldn't work, musicians missed their cue, dignitaries lost their dignity.... and an Eco warrior did an unscheduled strip for the VIP guests.

Yes, the opening of the Naburn Designer Outlet had it all - the most hilarious production imaginable.

The morning started well. Car park organisation went like clockwork, the VIPs were guided to their places through a glittering temple dedicated to the new British religion of "shop till you drop". It all looked so impressive.

On the stage the Lord Mayor, distinguished guests and representatives from developers McArthurGlen beamed with pride. Outside the public were queueing up, anxious to be in. You could see the pound signs rolling.

And then it all began to go wrong. Firstly the microphone did not work and the man in charge of the introductions was flummoxed. The microphone came on at last. "Let's start again," he said, relieved. The mike promptly stopped working.

"Who is that?" one of the VIPs asked. "An ex-employee of McArthurGlen," another answered.

You have to feel sympathy. Poor chap, it wasn't his fault.

He introduced children from two local schools. The children cheered their own school and booed their rivals. It was the most natural thing that had happened so far.

For just a moment, when one of the top bods from McArthurGlen came up to speak, you thought things were getting back to normal. Then he went and spoiled it all. "We are really thrilled to be here in York," he said in his cute American accent. Right on cue, as if in protest at this American pie in the sky, the mike stopped working again.

Enter our hero, Derek Smallwood, Lord Mayor of York. His worship didn't need new fangled technology like microphones. He is an old hand at handling a crisis. He spoke unaided. But even the mayor was thrown off course by the entrance of the nubile Eco warrior.

"This is all so sad," she said, stomping down the aisle in her combat trousers and black T-shirt, which she promptly began to remove. Pandemonium! Everyone stood up for a better view.

By then our Eco warrior was down to her pants which did not stay on for long. People in the third row were presented with a sight of a naked Eco bum. Down at the front they were ushering away the children who had just had their education advanced by several years. Some mothers were not amused.

The Lord Mayor was still speaking. No one was listening. He might as well have used the mike.

see NEWS 'Streakers halt shop ceremony'

see NEWS 'Shops outlet hailed as 'economic boost''

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