Minster pops its cork over bottles of ale

We can never escape the world of work. It clings to us just like a whiff of cod on the fishmonger's apron.

The next time you are at a party, study the subliminal behaviour of the gathered company.

You can soon guess what they each do for their daily dollar. The teacher declares that he can't hear himself think; the estate agent commends the host's high standard of decoration throughout; the retired hangman weighs you up with one shake of the hand; and the doctor ignores you when you enter the room.

The journalist is nowhere to be seen. He's missed another deadline. And that fellow in the corner, carefully claiming the moral high ground, he's likely to work at York Minster. It's understandable: if you spent every earning hour in a place that spiritually and physically towers over the city, you might find yourself looking down on the citizenship.

This can be the only explanation for the cathedral community's high-handed attitude to a new beer called York Minster Ale. On learning about the new brew, a spokesman declared it unfair and unfortunate; "we are being taken advantage of", he said before consulting his lawyers.

It was impolite of Tony Thomson, boss of York Brewery, not to inform the Dean and Chapter of his plans.

But he probably isn't the first. Did the folk at Minster Plumbing and Heating ask permission to use the name before reaching round their first U-bend? Have the disc jockeys at Minster FM ever declared their gratitude to the church in between Bruce Springsteen and a commercial break? Do Minster Skips' customers offer up a little prayer before despatching a dodgy dresser? Small firms will always want to make the most of local associations.

Stick a nearby landmark in your name and your customers know where you are coming from. Thus you get Castle Stores in Helmsley, the Abbey Leisure Centre in Selby and the Wetherby Whaler on the, er, York ring road. It cannot be that York Minster staff are objecting to its name being used for commercial gain. A range of branded souvenir items are sold by the church to help meet the huge maintenance costs. Perhaps the real problem is the product.

The church authorities may feel beer is a little downmarket, even though the stuff was being brewed in the monasteries when the Minster was being built. And the working man's drink might be seen as a less classy tipple than that on sale in the Minster shop: the Dean and Chapter-endorsed champagne.

It's apology time, folks. First in line to say sorry is Earl Spencer, the man who accused newspapers of having blood on their hands after the death of his sister, Diana, Princess of Wales. Next up are the MPs.

Tory Roger Gale was quick to apportion blame for the tragedy: "It is the proprietors of newspapers and magazines that must bear a direct and very heavy burden of responsibility for the events," he said.

David Mellor added his one-penn'orth: "That woman has been taken away from us by her hatred and fear of these photographers." Bring on the celebrities. Sly Stallone decided that he "knew it would happen in the end," meaning the death of someone famous at the hands of the "legalised stalkers" of the paparazzi.

Fellow Hollywood star John Malkovich wrote: "The Princess is dead. Dodi Fayed is dead. Henri Paul is dead. They are dead because of the paparazzi."

Parts of the official report into the death crash have been now leaked. In them, the French public prosecutor says there was no evidence of systematic harassment by the press that tragic night.

Can you hear these public figures retracting their hasty, ill-informed words? No, neither can I.

25/08/99

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.