WHATEVER happened to "let the train take the strain"? These days the passengers rather than the locomotives are expected to huff and puff.
We refer, of course, to the latest edict from the health police. Not content with forcing us to turn our supermarket trolley into a portable gym, they now insist we train on the railway.
In the past, the only exertion witnessed at the station was synchronised pencil lifting by a huddle of trainspotters. According to GNER, we are henceforth expected to perform six exercises during every train journey.
Among these is the Phone Flex, designed to tone the muscles that manoeuvre the mobile. We would never dream of recommending an alternative endeavour, the Phone Crunch, whereby passengers could stamp on the cell phone of anyone shouting into it "I'm on the train!" But just imagine how satisfying this calorie-burner might be.
Back in the real world, we must accept we have little chance of getting trim on the tracks. Recently the Evening Press carried a picture of York Gladiator Hunter putting passengers through their paces on Platform Three. Such a routine is ideal for customers of those train operators notorious for delays and cancellations. They have plenty of time to exercise.
Happily, GNER boasts one of the best punctuality records in the country. But that means travellers would barely work up a sweat before their train arrived. And once on board, anyone undertaking the Seat Stretch is unlikely to impress the other sardines crammed into the carriage.
Passengers should stick to the exercises they know best: the Bacon Roll and the Tea Up.
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