TONY Blair says the strangest things. His proposal for on-the-spot fines for louts is one of the oddest yet. This get-tough solution popped up during a speech to an audience of religious people and academics in Germany.

There he was, discussing global ethics and using phrases such as "reciprocal altruism" and "the grammar of togetherness". All fine and woolly perhaps, but heartfelt - and anyway, fine and woolly is all right by this column.

Then Tony made his headline-grabbing domestic announcement, which appeared to have been lobbed into his speech as a bit of bloody raw meat for certain national newspapers.

Louts are a problem, here and elsewhere. York has its share of Saturday night drinkers, some safe at home with a bottle of wine - but many out on the streets, enjoying themselves loudly and occasionally causing trouble.

York is typical of many cities, having a day face and a night face. This split-personality is best illustrated by Mickle-gate, which by day remains one of the finest Georgian streets in Europe, an architectural treasure trail and one of few hills in York steep enough to count as such. But by night, this sloping street turns into one of the north's great pub runs, generously populated by the under-dressed and the over-lubricated.

The Evening Press has carried many stories about rowdiness in and around Micklegate. Common complaints from residents concern the lavatorial meandering of drinkers, especially those who urinate in doorways.

Strangely enough no one ever mentions traffic cones.

Tony Blair brought cones into his lout-and-about speech, declaring that if yobs faced £100 on-the-spot fines, they would think twice before "throwing traffic cones around your street or hurling abuse at the night sky".

What is it about prime ministers and cones? You could plausibly trace the decline of John Major, otherwise known as the Cone Ranger, to his silly obsession with a Cones Hotline. Now Tony Blair has to go and join in. There is something comical about the cone, as well as conical. I suspect Tony Blair included traffic cones because he was groping for the common touch. As often happens, he almost grasped the right phrase, the right concern - but not quite.

All that hurling abuse at the night sky is strange, too. It sounds too poetic for your average Saturday night drunk. Besides, wouldn't they be hurling abuse at each other, or at innocent rushers-by, rather than at the sleeping sky?

As to permitting the police to impose such summary fines, the police themselves don't seem keen - and anyway justice disappears when the police can declare someone guilty of an offence, impose an instant fine and demand the money be removed from a cashpoint.

Tony Blair's curious notion garnered the desired 'get-tough' headlines, including that on this newspaper's front page. Yet how depressing it is when the Prime Minister engages in this sort of one-downmanship with the Tory leader, trying to out-guess William Hague's latest piece of crude attention seeking.

Every time Tony hops to the right, the Tories take one jump further. Anne Widdecombe, the Shadow Home Secretary, might quiver like an enraged trifle as she attacks Tony's latest wheeze, but only because she hadn't thought of it first.

BARELY had the ink dried on last week's column than the phone rang. It was 'A Citizen', the only name given. I shall call him Arnold. The geese might be a problem, pointed out Arnold Citizen, but you should see the pigeon droppings down Lady Peckett's Yard.

Fearlessly I followed this tip off ("Watch you don't slip," said Arnold). Yes, this fine alleyway off Pavement was indeed pungently decorated. As well as the pigeon guano, feathers littered the floor. And a snoozing, or possibly dead, pigeon sheltered on a ledge. No big flap.