THERE'S nothing like a pensioner to make you feel old.

No sooner had I read of raunchy rocker Tina Turner's decision to slow down at the age of 60 than I was confronted with sprightly 72-year-old Levis Redmand and her equally active dance partner Brian Bolton, 70, who regularly go clubbing at Yorkshire's hippest nightspots - AFTER dancing the evening away at various social clubs.

The pair boogie until 2am, barely pausing for breath. "I am not one for just sitting at home in front of the telly," says Levis, a grandma of six. Neither is Brian, who fills his days running, visiting the gym and is an accomplished water skier.

Even when young revellers start flagging, the couple remain on the dance floor in full Saturday Night Fever mode.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't bat an eyelid - but it's becoming the norm for the more mature to out-do us younger folk, particularly those of us who have hit middle-age. I'm tired of seeing pensioners skipping gleefully into my local leisure centre with bulging sports bags, no doubt for an afternoon of frenzied activity, maybe a session of aqua-fit in the pool followed by badminton and line-dancing.

I'm fed up of watching them sprinting across the nearby tennis courts as I return, weak and weary from a long day at work. And I'm really sick of hearing how they spend whole weeks twirling effortlessly between 101 different types of dance.

I'm fed up of it not because I think the over-60s shouldn't be allowed to have a good, active time - they have worked for it and they should - but because I'm jealous. And puzzled.

Your body is supposed to slow down as you get older. Mine was fine until my late twenties, then the rot set in and now, in my late thirties, it's almost ground to a halt.

shopping knocks me out. I used to be able to dash round everywhere - now I'm huffing and puffing in a matter of minutes. Yet hordes of Third Agers seem to storm about the place, shopping bags in hand, without drawing breath.

As I sit - thank heaven for those benches - and eat my sandwiches on a lunch time, I watch them pass and marvel. How do they do it?

Tina Turner says her body can't keep up with her ambitions and it's getting harder to jump around. Now she's got a good 20 years on me, yet the last time I jumped around - supervising my daughter on a bouncy castle - I was in agony for a month afterwards.

I know she's an extreme case and that not all pensioners are able to enjoy the benefits that being super-fit brings - but ever-increasing numbers do.

Retirement does free up a lot of time to devote to such matters, while us thirty and forty-somethings tend to be locked into the work/raising a family/paying the mortgage routine.

We may have the desire and the capability to spend half our lives dancing, but we haven't got the time nor the energy.

It's a sad fact, but I can't see a more active, healthier life for me before the age of 65. Call it wishing my life away, but if it means living like Levis and Brian, roll on retirement.